Hey Ron!
Hey Ron! - Joining the Masons
Everybody asks me to help them become a Freemason but it's not like joining Netflix.
Hey Ron! - Welcome to the Shinydome
I'm not ashamed of being bald. In fact, I'm a proud member of the bald community. It's an honor to be in the same league as Isaac Hayes and Michael Jordan.
Hey Ron! - I Buy My Own Jolly Ranchers
Instead of finding a regular woman, I'm going to find one with an EBT card and live off her because she eats for free.
Hey Ron - My Dad Boned Some Lady
If your wife tells you to sleep with other women and you do it, don't tell her about it.
Hey Ron! - Occupy This
I can write on my sign, "I just don't like none of y'all." Because none of y'all are making any damn sense.
Hey Ron - Nothing's Worse Than a Little Power
It's funny how the tiniest bit of power can turn the nicest people into total dicks.
Hey Ron! - Eli Manning Is a Turd
I'm a New Yorker, so I love the Jets and I love the Giants—I bleed blue and sometimes green, depending on the weather—but I hate Eli Manning with a passion.
Hey Ron! - Ray Dog, Real-Life Omar
I want to tell you about a real-life vigilante I used to know named Ray Dog. He wasn’t a big guy, he was just a very, very good fighter. His two brothers were well-versed in martial arts, and they taught him how to fight.
Mixed Meats
Whenever people ask me what type of meat I like, I always say dark. It’s not that I’m racist, I just like dark meat. It’s juicier and has more flavor. Now, white meat can taste good if it’s blended, but all white meat doesn’t work for me.
Hey Ron! - We're All Broke
I've been poor. It's tough. But you make it harder on yourself if you don't know how to handle your money. The last thing you want to do if you're broke is try to keep up with the Kardashians. You'll always lose that battle.
Hey Ron! - Riot Ruminatin'
The closest I've come to being in a riot was during the blackouts of '77. We were so ignorant. We destroyed our own neighborhoods and fought against each other.