Fugitive Pigs, Shitting Echidnas and a Sandwich Fight
Last week, the Northern Territory was wracked by a four-day fugitive pig hunt in Darwin, a crisis that engulfed the council, police, government and the public at large.
It started at 4:57pm on the 9th of January, when Duty Watch Commander Senior Sergeant Garry Smith posted a warning on the Northern Territory Police Force Facebook page begging Darwinians to be careful on Bagot Road near McDonalds after reports of "wild boar" sightings. Eight police officers spent a good part of the day chasing a pig trio down the road to no avail, later following them on their rampage of an RAAF golf course. The next day saw reports of sightings from the frangipani trees on Bagot Road, though no arrests were made. Council dogcatchers were called in to assist police. Owner Vivienne White recommended shouting "piggy" while holding cheeseburgers.
The Northern Territory government was forced to intervene on the13th of January, four days after disaster first struck. Senator Nigel Scullion addressed the rapidly deteriorating situation with his own recommendation, feed the pigs mashed sweet corn, molasses and half a bottle of rum. "They're big eaters," he said, "and they obviously don't mind a tipple. And look that's the safest and most humane way to deal with them, is to just give them a bit of a drink." His plan, he claimed, would guarantee successful capture within 45 minutes. Later, Wiggy, one of the pig fugitives, surrendered – reports have emerged claiming he may be exiled to Humpty Doo for his crimes. The saga finally came to a close that day at the Bagot Aboriginal Community when police shot the two remaining outlaws.
Having already weathered devastating cyclones and Japanese bombings in the past, Darwin remains resilient, though shaken, after the crisis.
Here are the rest of our highlights:
- In other animal-related news, a rescued echidna shat in its rescuer's hat. Yeah, that's all.
- To help Territorians report crocodile attacks on the go, The Parks and Wildlife Commission has unveiled an online crocodile sighting submission form.
- There's a new game being played by the young'uns in Alice Springs. According to councillor Eli Melky, the game involves breaking and entering people’s homes, with bonus points awarded for filming the residents while they sleep.
- In light of a sweltering heatwave throughout southern Australia, NT News published a piece by Kylie Stevenson in which the journalist outlined the "Top 20 Heat-Defeating Tips From Territorians On How Soft Cock Southerners Can Survive and Thrive In Extreme Temperatures". Tip #14: "Carry a spray bottle containing cool water around at all times. Squirt it on your face and place your face directly in front of a fan. If you don't have a spray bottle, crying in front of a fan will also work." We're just impressed that you can say "cock" on NT News.
- A fight over an expensive sandwich forced a Virgin Airlines flight from Darwin to Perth to turn back after an hour in the air. Enraged at the extortionate prices, a passenger began shouting, then leapt up and pushed flight attendants down the aisle. The sandwich cost $10.
- Northwest Carbon's proposal to murder camels in exchange for carbon credits was rejected by the Federal Government. Apparently, the methane gas released by more than a million feral camel farts in the Northern Territory is a serious greenhouse gas that will inevitably kill us all. Thanks to the Feds, we can’t cash in on it.