A Close Analysis of Doug Ford’s One-Sided Feud with Kevin Spacey

The latest episode of Ford Nation takes aim at Kev Spacemeister.

Update: Kevin Spacey has responded by tweeting a Photoshopped image of his smiling mug, floating between Doug and Rob on Ford Nation, while also questioning Rob's reluctance to say whattup to Söze: "When did Mayor Ford start doing what people tell him to do? All you had to do was ask, guys."

If you’ve been paying any attention to Ford Nation, Rob and Doug Ford’s super-official YouTube show, you’re probably already familiar with their trademark aesthetic: two large men in suits, rambling in front of a wrinkled backdrop. Putting aside for one moment that the Fords own a printing company (so you’d think they’d be able to print out a backdrop that doesn’t look like it was unfolded from the size of a business card), Ford Nation provides a glimpse into the sovereign state of Fordlandia, whether you consider yourself a citizen or not.

Today’s thrilling installment of Ford Nation covers a new vendetta that Doug Ford has conjured up against none other than Kevin Spacey. Yes, the same Kevin Spacey who saved Lakutis, rapper and friend of VICE’s music site Noisey, from getting beat up in a New York City nightclub. Highly obscure Kevin Spacey references aside, it appears Doug Ford is annoyed with Kevin Spacey’s reluctance to take photos with his fans—because as we all know, Doug Ford is now a Hollywood insider. This all started when Doug and Rob were hanging out backstage at the Jimmy Kimmel Show, and some unnamed party advised Doug that Kevvy would not be able to pose for pictures with any of the mouthbreathers lurking in the green room.

In the video, before Doug launches into his exquisite takedown of Kevin Spacey (a man who has been paid, in a previous life, to watch rose petals explode out of Mena Suvari’s chest), a deep, concerned exhale from the congested sinuses of Rob Ford is can be heard off camera. It’s almost as if Rob Ford is trying to say, “Please, Doug, you’re going to ruin my chances in Hollywood,” but he's too disappointed to formulate a sentence. Dougie ignores Rob's grunt, and lets loose regardless: “When Jimmy Kimmel was backstage there, he’d take a picture with everyone and anyone, some folks were with us… he’d go up and take pictures. And then there was this Kevin Spacey, OK? I want to start off by saying Kevin Spacey is an incredible actor. He is.”

After hearing about the acting prowess of Mr. Spacey, Rob has to interject: “I’ve never… I don’t watch movies. I wouldn’t know him if I ran over, but anyways…” Clearly Rob is trying to maintain a neutral, Switzerland-esque position amidst this tense, one-sided, war of words between K-Space and D-Fo; while reminding the audience he’s cinema-illiterate, and capable of vehicular violence. This comment is, of course, in wildly poor taste considering the unspeakably awful hit and run at SXSW yesterday that has left two dead and many more injured. Especially considering Rob Ford has promised to make Toronto more like Austin, when it comes to the city’s embrace of live music, which is a project that's arguably failing. Classy.

Anyway, after hearing about Rob's indifference towards film, Doug quickly counters: “In my opinion, he’s an arrogant S.O.B., and I’ll tell you the reason why…” This is met with another deep Rob Ford sigh, which I have isolated thanks to Infinite Looper—a forensic YouTube analysis service designed for examining such slight, yet stunning, on camera moments as this.

He continues: “Who does this character think he is? He thinks he’s God? He goes on the show… and changes on a dime! It’s unbelievable. You know, Kevin, why don’t you get off your high horse and be real, and take pictures with people.” In the nation of Fordlandia, taking pictures with people is an immaculate deed of the highest magnitude. Where would Rob Ford be without all of the photo-taking he does? Without his love of the camera, we simply wouldn’t know how sweaty he gets, or how much he likes sports cars.

The issue now, of course, is whether or not Doug Ford is correct about Kevin Spacey’s distaste for “commoners.” After spending a bit of time on the guestbook of a Kevin Spacey fan page called "Driving Mr. Spacey," an ancient website which is at least 14 years old (and looks like it was designed within the first week that GIFs were invented), anecdotes about Kevin Spacey’s warm, approachable attitude are plentiful.

The following are a couple of choice quotes from said guestbook; [sic], of course: “i just received a reply letter from kevin and i am beside myself,” “I met Kevin and the fact that Iwas too shy to speak properly. Ladies he is FAR TOO HANDSOME in the flesh!!!!” and so on.

Another post that I was able to dig up was written on a message board for vacation cruise fanatics, called “Cruise Addicts,” it describes a chance encounter of a meeting with Kevin Spacey that sounded incredibly pleasant: “After the movie, he held a Q&A. I spoke actual words to Kevin Spacey and he spoke actual words back! Sigh, excitement. . . . . . . Then he favored us with a song.. . . . Sigh excitement.”

While Kevin Spacey has so far not answered VICE’s request for comment, it’s clear that several unidentified people on the internet disagree with Doug Ford’s slanderous rant about Keyser Söze, I mean, Kevin Spacey. While no one wants to defend a holier-than-thou jerkoff who’s not interested in interacting with the public, if Kevin Spacey doesn’t want to take a photo with a local politician from Toronto and his crack smoking brother, that’s his prerogative. Given the immense popularity and reach of the Ford Nation series, however, it’s only a matter of time before Mr. Spacey addresses these allegations head on to clear the air. VICE will be there to follow-up on this controversial feud once the press conference is announced.

@patrickmcguire