Hello. My name Is Nick Gazin and I am VICE's frozen food editor. And the art editor too, I guess. All my life I've hated eating food, and then one day I started liking food and immediately turned into the blob I see every time I mistakenly pass by a mirror. Now I show the food who is boss with my review column. It's my revenge on the food for making me fat. Fuck you, food. Suck my dick, food!The most easily-prepared foods are breakfast foods. Hot cereal, cold cereal, fried eggs, hard boiled eggs, soft boiled eggs, omelettes, quiche, poached eggs, eggs benedict, tostadas, scrambles, french toast, pancakes, coffee, other types of eggs, juice, fresh fruit, grits, biscuits, and yogurt are all prepared with minimal fuss. All frozen breakfast foods seem like a bad, impractical idea to me. But I'm not here to avoid the food mistakes, I'm here to eat them.
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Aunt Jemima Croissant Sandwiches
Kellogg's Eggo Breakfast Sandwiches - Ham, Egg & Cheese
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Aunt Jemima - Scrambled Eggs and Sausage with Hash Brown Potato
Aunt Jemima - Homestyle French Toast
Those are my reviews of frozen breakfast foods. I feel awful. Follow me on Instagram and check back next week—my review column will probably be about chicken nuggets, or some other thing that's poisoning my body.