Way up north, where the temperature stays below zero, the world’s biggest moneymakers (natural gas and oil) need to be sucked out from the earth. If you’ve ever seen an episode of Black Gold or Oil, Sweat & Rigs, then you know the story: drilling companies send up troops of heavy machinery with fearless, insane people to do the job. Working on the oil rigs is, for lack of a better term, fucking crazy. It takes a very special type of person to be able to hack the 12-hour a day, seven-day work week. Mix that in with the intense physical labor demanded to work on an oil rig and it becomes clear that you have to be nuts to want to do this job.My friend, who I’m going to call John, worked on the oil rigs last year. John is a skateboarder with fake front teeth (his real ones were knocked out by a pool ball). Despite not being a giant dude, he works alpha-male jobs operating heavy machinery and hammering at high altitudes. John is also really good at photography and design. He’s the kind of guy who’d tell you that drinking wine is “hella gay” but also knows how to work a sewing machine.I sat down with John to ask him what really goes on up north on the rigs. It turns out it’s a life-threatening job with daily doses of porn, pills, and puking on the side.VICE: I know you can make good money on the oil rigs. How much are we talkin’ here?
John: Starting wage, after taxes, you can clean $4000 in a hitch, which is two weeks.What was your work schedule like?
You work 14, 12-hour days and you do a cross-over day on the seventh day, which is 16 hours. [On those days] you work eight hours, then sleep eight hours. The rig runs 24 hours a day. After a hitch, you get seven days off. You have to be flown in and out [of camp]. It’s really only five days off because you just sleep for two days.There are hotel jobs and there are camp jobs, depending on how far away you are to the nearest town. My rig was more than five hours away from the nearest town, so we lived in a camp that was set up an hour from the rig. When you stay on camp, [the company] owns you. No drugs, no alcohol, you can’t really do anything. But when you’re in a hotel you can get fucked up every day. My friend who got me the job was set up at a hotel. Dudes would get fucked up every night in the bar and smoke crack.Did you have any women in your crew on the rig? Do women work on the oil rigs?
I didn’t. Some women worked in the camp. I don’t know how [a woman] would work on the rigs because it’s fucking hard being a minority there. It’s hard even being from a big city because everyone is all, “Oh, you’re from the city.” You’re different. They are all buck dudes. I’m pretty good at getting along with people like that so it wasn’t hard for me.How did people act?
You know… what you would expect. It’s pretty crazy. Everyone is super racist. I remember this one guy saying to me: “If my wife ever fucked a nigger, I would kill her.” And I was like: “Have you ever even met a black person before?” And, he’s like, “no”.What was your job on the rig?
I was a Leasehand, but I worked as a Floorhand too.What’s a Leasehand?
There is a Leasehand, a Floorhand, a Roughneck, a Motorhand, a Driller, and The Derrickhand. The Roughneck works the tongs [dropping pipe into the hole] with the Motorhand. They are the two guys working the connections. The Derrickhand is up in the tower connecting the pipes and the Driller is watching the pipes. The Leasehand just basically does whatever the fuck they need you to do.Were you ever nervous?
Going out there my first day was kind of fucked because I didn’t know anybody. I didn’t know what to expect. I flew into Edmonton and they put me up in this motel with a strip club, to take the charter flight up north the next day. I get there and it’s that exact same strip club from Fubar 2 called Peelers. It is so gnarly. On crew change day, people get so fucked there.
Imagine being a stripper at that bar?
Well, in Alberta it’s okay to throw loonies at strippers, so guys whip loonies trying to get them in the girls’ cunts and shit.Did you ever do that stuff with your crew?
Not during the hitch, because like I said, we were at a camp, not staying at a hotel. We would eat dinner together and maybe smoke some weed. Everyone had a TV in their room with porn channels. They also stock your room with porno mags. Even in the ‘Dog House’, which is where the Driller works, there are drawers just filled with porno mags. There is porn everywhere on the rig.So you could jack off at work?
I guess so. [Laughs] Everyone is just looking at porn all the time. Which is kind of crazy because you are so far away from women. It’s just pumping you up for frustration. If you live that isolated lifestyle, it fucks with you. I did it for six months and it totally fucked with my personality.You mean sexually?
No. I’d come to the city between hitches and I’d be getting in tons of fights with people. I came back with a bad attitude and thought everyone was fucking soft. I was around my crew all the time, so I was used to that. I would come home and think home was fucked up.It’s kind of like going to jail, except you’re being paid to be there.
Yeah, people often compare the rigs to jail.Does any gay stuff ever happen on the rigs?
People want to think it does, but it doesn’t.I want to go back to the no booze or drugs thing you mentioned, because isn’t there a lot of that happening, even though it’s not supposed to be?
Yeah, it’s not allowed but-People sneak it in.
Yeah. I worked with this one guy who would get his old lady to send him Oxycontin in a package on the Greyhound bus. When the crew driver would make the drive into town to pick up smokes and shit, he’d grab the packages.Why would you want to be on downers working on an oil rig?
I don’t know, but that guy was pretty buck. It’s like minus fifty and he’s shirtless running around: “Let’s fucking do this!” All sweaty and shit. He was the Derrickhand too, so my life was in his hands. [Laughs]Didn’t that make you nervous?
You just don’t think about it. [Pauses] You are also so sleep deprived that you want to do more and more dangerous shit because you think it’s funny. You get looped out. You drink Red Bull and chew tobacco because you can’t smoke on the rig. We would take diet pills to get fucked up and stay awake, then, you know, you’d drive the truck back, smoke weed and take some T4s.
Did you, or anyone on your crew, ever get injured badly?
One guy that I replaced for a while had his hand crushed, but not many people get hurt. I almost got killed once, but I didn’t know it until afterwards so it wasn’t a big deal.What happened?
There was a pipe coming out that pumps invert…What’s invert?
Invert is bass oil mixed with chemicals, to be heavier than water, to hold the water in the hole. The federal government gives you an extra $30 a day, tax-free, to work with invert because it’s so bad for you. It’s full of benzene. You get covered in it. It’s all in your mouth and shit. Anyways, this joint wasn’t hooked up properly and a bunch of [invert] was spilling out, so the Derrickhand and I tried to catch it before it made a mess. I’m trying to catch invert with a bucket. The pump was off, but the Driller goes to turn it back on and I’m not in position. We’re screaming at him not to turn it on and he finally hears us and stops. The Derrickhand was like: “If he had turned that pump on, the pressure would have cut you in half. It would have killed you.” I thought that was funny.Did you respect the people you work with?
That’s the thing, I have worked a lot of hard jobs my whole life and my crew was the hardest working group of people I have ever met. When I finished up at the rigs, I went back to construction, and it felt like a fucking joke.Would you ever do it again?
I mean, it’s not fun, but you can make the best out of anything. On the rigs, everything is dictated to you. You never think about bills, rent, cooking a meal, and especially not money because you have tons of it. So, of course, the day-to-day stresses of your normal life are gone. But your life on the rig is shit.
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John: Starting wage, after taxes, you can clean $4000 in a hitch, which is two weeks.What was your work schedule like?
You work 14, 12-hour days and you do a cross-over day on the seventh day, which is 16 hours. [On those days] you work eight hours, then sleep eight hours. The rig runs 24 hours a day. After a hitch, you get seven days off. You have to be flown in and out [of camp]. It’s really only five days off because you just sleep for two days.There are hotel jobs and there are camp jobs, depending on how far away you are to the nearest town. My rig was more than five hours away from the nearest town, so we lived in a camp that was set up an hour from the rig. When you stay on camp, [the company] owns you. No drugs, no alcohol, you can’t really do anything. But when you’re in a hotel you can get fucked up every day. My friend who got me the job was set up at a hotel. Dudes would get fucked up every night in the bar and smoke crack.
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I didn’t. Some women worked in the camp. I don’t know how [a woman] would work on the rigs because it’s fucking hard being a minority there. It’s hard even being from a big city because everyone is all, “Oh, you’re from the city.” You’re different. They are all buck dudes. I’m pretty good at getting along with people like that so it wasn’t hard for me.How did people act?
You know… what you would expect. It’s pretty crazy. Everyone is super racist. I remember this one guy saying to me: “If my wife ever fucked a nigger, I would kill her.” And I was like: “Have you ever even met a black person before?” And, he’s like, “no”.What was your job on the rig?
I was a Leasehand, but I worked as a Floorhand too.What’s a Leasehand?
There is a Leasehand, a Floorhand, a Roughneck, a Motorhand, a Driller, and The Derrickhand. The Roughneck works the tongs [dropping pipe into the hole] with the Motorhand. They are the two guys working the connections. The Derrickhand is up in the tower connecting the pipes and the Driller is watching the pipes. The Leasehand just basically does whatever the fuck they need you to do.Were you ever nervous?
Going out there my first day was kind of fucked because I didn’t know anybody. I didn’t know what to expect. I flew into Edmonton and they put me up in this motel with a strip club, to take the charter flight up north the next day. I get there and it’s that exact same strip club from Fubar 2 called Peelers. It is so gnarly. On crew change day, people get so fucked there.
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Well, in Alberta it’s okay to throw loonies at strippers, so guys whip loonies trying to get them in the girls’ cunts and shit.Did you ever do that stuff with your crew?
Not during the hitch, because like I said, we were at a camp, not staying at a hotel. We would eat dinner together and maybe smoke some weed. Everyone had a TV in their room with porn channels. They also stock your room with porno mags. Even in the ‘Dog House’, which is where the Driller works, there are drawers just filled with porno mags. There is porn everywhere on the rig.So you could jack off at work?
I guess so. [Laughs] Everyone is just looking at porn all the time. Which is kind of crazy because you are so far away from women. It’s just pumping you up for frustration. If you live that isolated lifestyle, it fucks with you. I did it for six months and it totally fucked with my personality.You mean sexually?
No. I’d come to the city between hitches and I’d be getting in tons of fights with people. I came back with a bad attitude and thought everyone was fucking soft. I was around my crew all the time, so I was used to that. I would come home and think home was fucked up.It’s kind of like going to jail, except you’re being paid to be there.
Yeah, people often compare the rigs to jail.Does any gay stuff ever happen on the rigs?
People want to think it does, but it doesn’t.
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Yeah, it’s not allowed but-People sneak it in.
Yeah. I worked with this one guy who would get his old lady to send him Oxycontin in a package on the Greyhound bus. When the crew driver would make the drive into town to pick up smokes and shit, he’d grab the packages.Why would you want to be on downers working on an oil rig?
I don’t know, but that guy was pretty buck. It’s like minus fifty and he’s shirtless running around: “Let’s fucking do this!” All sweaty and shit. He was the Derrickhand too, so my life was in his hands. [Laughs]Didn’t that make you nervous?
You just don’t think about it. [Pauses] You are also so sleep deprived that you want to do more and more dangerous shit because you think it’s funny. You get looped out. You drink Red Bull and chew tobacco because you can’t smoke on the rig. We would take diet pills to get fucked up and stay awake, then, you know, you’d drive the truck back, smoke weed and take some T4s.
One guy that I replaced for a while had his hand crushed, but not many people get hurt. I almost got killed once, but I didn’t know it until afterwards so it wasn’t a big deal.What happened?
There was a pipe coming out that pumps invert…What’s invert?
Invert is bass oil mixed with chemicals, to be heavier than water, to hold the water in the hole. The federal government gives you an extra $30 a day, tax-free, to work with invert because it’s so bad for you. It’s full of benzene. You get covered in it. It’s all in your mouth and shit. Anyways, this joint wasn’t hooked up properly and a bunch of [invert] was spilling out, so the Derrickhand and I tried to catch it before it made a mess. I’m trying to catch invert with a bucket. The pump was off, but the Driller goes to turn it back on and I’m not in position. We’re screaming at him not to turn it on and he finally hears us and stops. The Derrickhand was like: “If he had turned that pump on, the pressure would have cut you in half. It would have killed you.” I thought that was funny.Did you respect the people you work with?
That’s the thing, I have worked a lot of hard jobs my whole life and my crew was the hardest working group of people I have ever met. When I finished up at the rigs, I went back to construction, and it felt like a fucking joke.Would you ever do it again?
I mean, it’s not fun, but you can make the best out of anything. On the rigs, everything is dictated to you. You never think about bills, rent, cooking a meal, and especially not money because you have tons of it. So, of course, the day-to-day stresses of your normal life are gone. But your life on the rig is shit.