Jamie Taete's Internet Landfill

LINK BETWEEN NICE HANDS AND MENTAL ILLNESS DISCOVERED

Remember a while ago when I accidentally called the wrong hand model crazy, and she saw it and got mad at me, but then it turned out okay because she was an insane egomaniac too? Well it turns out THEY'RE ALL LIKE THAT. Check out this interview with hand model Ellen Sirot. What the fuck is wrong with her? Everything about her, from the way she has her little hand-modelling puns all planned out ("I like to say my hands look good naked"), to the way she can't stop STARING AT HER FUCKING HANDS is completely terrifying.

KARL LAGERFELD NEEDS TO FIRE HIS PUBLICIST

Baptiste Giabiconi is Karl Lagerfeld's boyfriend. Which is fine, they're definitely very matched in terms of age, wealth, attractiveness and social standing. The embedded video is her first single, and it's FUCKING AMAZING. In the grand tradition of me listing things because I'm too lazy to try and structure my thoughts in to sentences and paragraphs, here are the worst things about it:

-That, despite the fact that his boyfriend is the creative director of one of the largest, most Nazi-sympathising-est brands on earth, he is styled to look like a display mannequin at the Burton's Menswear 2007 winter sale.

- "Vat's wong wizz you men?"

- That the video appears to deal with the prejudice that French models face in small US hick towns.

- That it also appears to show him making multiple things explode with his mind. Maybe that's what the video concept is? It's like X-Men and people are discriminating against him because of his powers?

- That writing this forced me to have to Wikipedia him which in turn forced me to be exposed to this sentence: "In 2009, supermodel Naomi Campbell met Giabiconi in Moscow and told him, “It’s not right: We all have defects. You have none.”

- Being forced to imagine him having sex with Karl Lagerfeld.

- Being forced to believe that he has any interest in that video ho.

- The "dramatic chipmunk" move he does at 2:20.

- The idea that there is a gay French model riding around the Mojave Desert on a motorbike stealing other peoples' girlfriends.

THE MATRIX WAS A FLUKE

The Hollywood Reporter is reporting (from Hollywood) that The Wachowski Brother's next movie will be Hood, "a modern, urban take on the Robin Hood myth". This is exciting news indeed. Especially because, to the Wachowskis, urban seems to mean "starring Will Smith".

If the downward trend in the quality of their films continues:

The Matrix>The Matrix Reloaded>The Matrix Revolutions>Speed Racer>Cobalt Neural 9*

then this should be fucking incredible.

* This hasn't been released yet, so I'm unable to confirm that it's the worst film ever made. But given it's a futuristic cybergoth film starring Arianna Huffington about a gay American soldier falling in love with an Iraqi citizen, having sex wearing burqas, and then plotting to assassinate George W. Bush, I'd say it's a safe bet.

JESSICA SIMPSON'S NEW SONG IS A BREATH OF FRESH, CHRISTMASSY AIR

I can't say I'm usually "into her", but there's just something about this new Jessica Simpson Christmas song that sounds completely new. The slow opener that paraphrases the chorus! A bouncy piano! Sleigh bells! Lyrics referring to having one Christmas request, and that wish being "you"! That long "youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" she does toward the end! I've definitely never heard any of these things before ever!

P.S "Your love means more than coloured lights"? Wha?