Why Are You Poshos So Furious About Wheelie Bins?

The residents of Primrose Hill, north London are threatening a snobs’ rebellion after the council threatened to introduce wheelie bins to the area to increase recycling rates. Residents seem to be under the impression that a few wheelie bins – as opposed to piles of rubbish on the street – will be a stain on the area, ruining the look of the streets that haven't changed one bit since Georgian times. Because yummy-mummies  clasping organic coffee cups, boutique cupcake stores, £3,000 baby-strollers and executive 4x4s were commonplace in the 1700s.

These aren't just any bins, either. Primrose Hill is a well-established celebrity ghetto, meaning these are bins that belong to famous people, making the story almost 1000 percent more important. We popped up to home of Sadie Frost, Gavin Rossdale, Sharleen Spiteri and a bunch more famous people who haven't done anything since the 90s to ask one question: what do you think about the horrifying Primrose Hill wheelie bin fiasco?

Joa Tottie, 48, designer and her anonymous friend.

Joa: They're awfully unattractive, aren't they? I'm very against it. Also, where are they planning on putting these bins? We just don't have the space round here.

Really? Some of the streets round here are huge.
No they're not.
Anon: In Tokyo, you can’t have a car unless you have a space to park it. They have very narrow streets and the cars are quite Mickey Mouse, because the Japanese are also quite Mickey Mouse. I saw the most amazing thing there; they have little cranes and they lift the cars and park them on the roof. You could put wheelie bins on the roof.

Perhaps. How far would you take your opposition to the bins?
Joa: I would campaign against it.
Anon: I don’t believe you.
Joa: I would!
Anon: She wouldn’t campaign for anything. She’s just pretending like everyone in Primrose Hill. They’re all pretentious.

What else is wrong with the area?
Anon: There are too many women with babies. I think I’d rather have the bins than the mothers with the babies. All these babies – heavens above – it makes you wonder what happened to the condoms! It used to be a very nice, simple place here. Now all the shysters who have money come here and pretend. It’s full of crap. That’s why I moved out. Who's that woman who was rude to an Indian woman on Celebrity Big Brother?

Jade Goodie?
Yes. She used to come here in her Bentley convertible to get her hair done. She got cancer, the poor thing. But she was vulgar, terribly vulgar.

Capi, age witheld, retired: I think the idea of wheelie bins around here is just ridiculous.

Would you consider staging some kind of dirty protest to object to them?
I’m not sure.

Would you die for the cause?
That might be pushing it a bit. I'd maybe chuck a brick through the council window, or something like that.

Yeah, fight the power!

Teacher who wanted to remain anonymous: It doesn’t really bother me.

Have you heard that people are complaining about it?
Oh really? Why? Because of wheelie bins' reputation of being a bit chavvy? That chavs might wheel them along?

What? I have never heard that before.
Yeah, I think it's just a very silly, upper-middle class paranoia.

Peter MacMannis, 76, retired: I don't really get the fuss – it's only a wheelie bin.

Are there too many egos in the area? Do you think that's why people are kicking up a fuss?
Oh yes. Jamie Oliver lives down the road. You don’t see much of him. He always says hello when you see him, though.

Oh, OK. Do you know what Jamie Oliver thinks of the wheelie bin issue?
I haven't asked him, but he’s got a big back garden and he's knocked two houses together. He does a lot of advertising, so he'd probably like it.

Right.

Cieska and Kevin Bucknall, retired

Cieska: It’s nonsense. I don’t know where you would put them.

Are the people campaigning against them freedom fighters?
I’m all for people campaigning for what they believe in, but there are better topics than a few wheelie bins, to be honest.
Kevin: I agree. They’re concerned people, but there are a lot more things to be concerned about. Libraries, child poverty, speeding through the streets and issues that involve people suffering are all far more important, in my opinion. We really must go to our exercise class.

OK. Have fun.
Is this a student thing?

No it’s for VICE.
Okay, well good luck with your student project.

Prunella, 40, sales manager: I think it’s a great idea. I don't really understand why everyone's saying it'll make the area look bad. Rats make the area look bad, which is what we have now with all our rubbish lying in the street.

Good point.

“Oh , I’m not giving you my name. I’m known in the area!”: I don't think it would do the area any good looks-wise. It could make a difference to house prices, too – maybe a 50 to 100 grand difference, possibly even more. This whole area runs on how it looks, so if it looks like a council controlled area, rather than private, people aren't going to want to pay those prices.

Do you think people would resort to some kind of dirty protest?
I think there are people who would like to climb the political ladder by doing that, yes. They want to get into Parliament.

David Miliband lives round here – what do you think he thinks of bin-gate?
He'll say whatever is most popular; the man’s not a fool. His family has been through a lot of rubbish. That wasn’t meant to be a pun, by the way.

Ah, it would have been a fantastic one if it was. What’s in the average Primrose Hill bin?
Oh, mostly Champagne, wine bottles and takeaways.

Yeah, it's a poverty-stricken area round here.

Previously - How Much Would You Sell Your Virginity For?