Quango - A History of Courtroom Sketch Art

Last week, body language experts looked at their charts, did some calculations and decided that perhaps Chris Huhne was slightly uncomfortable in the presence of the wife he'd ditched for a younger model on the telephone, having previously asked her to take speeding points for him. Since Chris and his estranged missus touched down in a court of law, the image of them together in the dock has become an instant icon of the courtroom art genre. Yet Huhne is certainly not the first politician to have his visible discomfort broadcast to the world via a short, sharp sketch. It is often said that behind every successful political trial, there is a successful courtroom artist, working away, often for minutes at a time, to shape the way we see our leaders receive short custodial sentences.

VICE is privileged to be able to bring together this retrospective of some of the most moving examples of the past 20 years, complete with commentary from our resident courtroom art critic, Mr Ruskin Sewell.

“David Chaytor MP at trial. Notice how much he looks like the manager of a Championship football club. And notice, too, how the courtoom has been arranged by the artist into a single, 6ft space – judge, lawyer and rosy-cheeked man whose job is to check Chaytor's tie for suspicious movements, all lovingly gathered together into a sort of posy of law, rendered in warm, easygoing pastels. Chaytor wears a small line of blue gunk around his mouth that court sketchers use as an insider code for 'definitely guilty'.”

“It's that man Chaytor again, and this time he appears to be hosting an episode of Kilroy that hasn't really got going yet. He looks as if he's pondering what the issue of the day should be. “Should Sharia Law apply to trees?"… “What have Navajo indians ever given civilisation apart from the peace pipe and that scene in Wayne's World 2?”… Something like that. Chaytor spent a lot of time looking out of that window during his trial. There was a girls' high school volleyball team who would practise outside most weekday afternoons. When the evidence got a bit dreary, he'd just wander freely round the courtroom, crying while rubbing his thighs lasciviously. No one much minded. They figured it was his trial, so they should probably let him hang loose.”

"Of course, long before the likes of Chaytor there was original, diddling sleazebag Jonathan Aitken: captured here in a pop-cultural moment as quintessentially 90s as Hooch, yellow-tinted sunglasses or Rwandan genocide. When he decided to sue the Guardian for libel, Aitken famously declared he'd free himself with the 'flaming sword of truth'. In point of fact, he tried to clear himself with the 'torrential shitpipe of lies' (not pictured).

"He's captured here in tones best described as 'vibrant'. He appears to be considering the injustice of the media whitewash that's led to Hooch being remembered as the original alcopop, when in fact, as anyone who spent their early teens wearing adidas popper trousers knows, that honour belongs to Two Dogs."

“Christine Hamilton sobs alongside Neil. The kinetic sense the artist brings to bear has captured exactly what it is to lose a libel trial against an Egyptian billionaire. And also what it is to have 4ft long arms. Tellingly, Christine sucked on that hamster throughout the trial just to stay calm, while Neil Hamilton's milky sad eyes seem to telescope into a future filled with novelty singles and increasingly peripheral roles in provincial pantos. A stunning evocation of wankerdom.”

"Jeffrey Archer at his own perjury trial. Stylistically, this one certainly pre-dates the court sketch art movement's notorious cubist phase. It is a simple study that consciously mirrors the grainy, visual spectrum of the analogue TV receivers of the time. Notice how the woman in the foreground is clearly thinking about what she wants to do with the three days leave she has owing. Yup, that will be a wonderful minibreak in Lille, she has decided, and her long-term boyfriend will definitely enjoy the wine farm tour she has planned. They can reconnect at a cute boutique hotel, away from the pressures of their daily routine. Maybe she will read a book. Though frankly she doubts she will have time once they've been to the Musee des Beaux-Arts and eaten a lot of crepes. Of course this is slightly anachronistic: the boutique hotel hadn't yet been invented. Archer, on the other hand, looks disconsolate as he realises he has run out of battery on his 3DS. A study in contrasts.”

“This was a very awkward day in the life of all concerned: both court artist and the men without faces. The men without faces were somewhat used to it. On trial for 'peeping tom' offences, their excuse – that they lacked the faces with which to peep – was ultimately upheld, and they were given a conditional discharge.”

“This man is now 'burying his lack of face in his hands'. Powerful.”

"Gary Glitter approaches the end of the in-court diving board. For safety reasons, the court was required to contain a pool, so that he did not overheat as he recounted his libidinal adventures. Throughout his testimony, Glitter would periodically bathe and frolic in front of a jury of his peers so that he maintained the legally-appointed skin temperature of 36.7 degrees. Some say that watching him testify while doing backstroke as steam visibly rose from his body was the reason that the court caterers didn't sell a single 'sausage n two boiled eggs' lunch deal that month.”

“Kate McCann pouring Linda McCartney's ashes over Meryl Streep (playing Margaret Thatcher). A sad day in the life of any former Beatle. Even Joe Strummer looks upset.”

@hurtgavinhaynes

Previously: Quango - John Prescott's Coming at You with a Taser