“Song of Foot” by Andrew Bird
This is a pleasant way to start things up. It’s so hard for women to get off, especially since so many of us are on SSRIs these days. If any man understands the importance of biting nipples in foreplay it's Andrew. I feel the weight of his body pressed upon me as he whispers in my ear “my feet will have nothing to do, it’s a proper time.” I’m glad to hear he’s keeping his feet out of this, a boy once tried to put his toes inside me in high school and it really freaked me the fuck out. Slapping noises! Lots of oil. Andrew has stopped whispering gently into my ear and now he’s flipped me over and his balls are slapping against my ass. He doesn’t have my best interests in mind. He’s finished, took less than three minutes.
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“Fuck You Tonight” by Notorious B.I.G. featuring R. Kelly
This beat is perfect for pretending my pussy’s a turntable and scratching the fuck out of it. “You must be used to me spending, and all that sweet wining and dining, well I'm fucking you tonight.” I’ll think about Biggie rather than R. Kelly, as I am over the age of consent and do not enjoy golden showers. “Remember when I used to play between yo legs?” I sit on Biggie’s face in a hotel bed with gold silk sheets. This position is easier for cunnilingus because of his weight. He grabs my ass and tries to comment on its white-girl smallness but my vagina’s in his mouth so all that comes out is “smmmmmwhhhybssshhh.” I chug Cristal while Biggie raps on my clit.
“How Bizarre” by OMC
Fuck. Yes. “Brother Pele's in the back, sweet Zina's in the front, cruisin' down the freeway in the hot, hot sun.” First things first, get the fuck out of here Brother Pele. I take control of the convertible we’re all driving in, and pull over and get a motel room with Zina. She’s Mexican with matching dark hair and nipples and I’m in love. Zina just hides her eyes. Zina has Mexican-Catholic guilt so she doesn’t watch while I eat her pussy like a three-year old devouring chocolate birthday cake. Every time I look around, it’s in my face. I hope so. I want my tongue on Zina’s cute little butthole for the rest of my life. “Making moves and starting grooves before they know we’re gone.” Zina, you’re coming back to New York with me. We’ll tell my boyfriend you’re my maid. “Wanna know the rest? Hey, buy the rights …”Oh shit, Janet Jackson’s “Control” just came on, but I’m exhausted.