Photo by Quinn Dombrowski
So, happy new year. How was yours? A crushing disappointment? I know why that is – because you didn't let the light of the Lord into your heart. You see, there's no better party companion than Jesus. The guy can turn water into wine just like that, for God's sake. And remember when he threw that dinner party for 12 people all that time ago and just served a meagre bit of wine and bread? Well, the whole world's still talking about it now, so the man must have known what he was doing.
With that in mind, I figured it would be a good idea to preempt His arrival if He ever bothers to turn up again, like that old book of stories claims, so went out and asked the people of London a question: What would Jesus do on New Year's Eve?
Alex (left) and Katie, students.
Alex: Well, he wouldn't watch the fireworks. That whole palava takes far too long
Where would you take him instead?
Anywhere. As long as it’s not too crowded, I suppose. That's important.
Does Jesus not like crowds?
I can't imagine he does too much after all that crucifixion and baying crowd stuff, but I think he'd look after you if you were with him. I think Jesus would have your back like that.
I'd hope so.
Steve, writer: Ugh, not a lot, mate.
You think he'd just be sitting on his hands?
No, he’d probably be working. Always working, that bloke.
What would you do with him if he wasn't?
Buy him a drink, I reckon. He could definitely do with one.
What would Jesus drink?
Probably wine. But he can make that by himself, I suppose – so maybe not wine. Maybe something a little harder to take the edge off.
Jenna (left) and Lisa-Marie, both students.
Jenna: Not a warehouse party, that’s for sure.
Why not? Could he not hack it?
Nah, it's not that – I just think he'd bring the mood down a bit.
Really? He could do some of the magic tricks he does in the Bible, though, and everyone would go wild.
Yeah, that's true. Turning water to wine would be handy, especially considering alcohol at those things is so expensive now.
Yeah, Jesus could make a killing if he took over Oddbins.
George, kid: Erm, Christmas?
What – open the presents he didn’t open on Christmas day?
Yeah, I guess so. Every day is Christmas for Jesus anyway, though.
Wow, you just blew my mind. What would you buy Jesus for Christmas?
Umm, I’d get him a picture. A picture of God.
Dianna: I’d take him break dancing, probably.
Just to give him a bit of fun. I know he had a lot on his plate, but he always seemed very serious, didn't he? He didn't seem like much of a laugh.
Do you think Jesus could break dance?
Yeah, anyone can – just watch a YouTube tutorial. He’d have to take off his sandals, though.
Previously - What's the Secret to Successful Dating?