An Interview with a Witch

As you may have heard, a lot of witches in Romania are really pissed off right now about a new law requiring them to pay taxes just like everyone else. That is to say, a teacher and a lady who grinds up bat wings with cat poop and throws it into the Danube River now have to pay the same percentage of their income to the taxman.

There has been a lot of back and forth between witches who cast evil spells (black witches) and those who cast friendly, cute spells (white witches). Not to put too fine a point on it, but black witches are, for the most part, real bitches. According to our Romanian witch contact (yes, we have a Romanian witch contact), it is mostly black witches who are flipping out over the new laws and casting spells all over the president, Traian Băsescu, and the country's lawmakers. Many other witches, while they believe Traian is a grade A jagoff, and that he and his aids spend the country's tax money carelessly and with little regard for the people, are nonetheless happy to finally be recognized as practicing a legitimate, legal profession.

I spoke with Rodica Gheorghe, a Romanian white witch about the new laws and her views on the state of the country.

Vice: Why do you think the president decided to start taxing witches?
Rodica Gheorghe: Our president is a person who doesn’t know how to rule a country. He drove the country to chaos. He took money from old people. The president does not help mothers raise their children--he doesn’t help them with money or things like that. He did this new thing with the witches and the taxes because he wants to get money out of us. He wants to take money from everyone and use it for him, personally, not for this country. He is strict with this country. This country was never like it is now. There were not very many poor people, there wasn’t a lot of criminals or anything like that. He uses taxes for witches to make his personal budget bigger. And also the budgets of the people who are near him.

How long have you been a witch?
I have been a witch for 34 years now.

Does the president use magic?
He is president because he had help from a witch or a sorcerer who uses black magic, and he had the confidence that that person was near him and would give him strength to control the country.

I heard that some witches were casting negative spells on the president and the government. Is that true, and do you know what type of spells they were trying to cast?
The witches who curse the government, those are not true witches, those are false witches. Here in our country, very many people say that they are witches or good men, but they are not. There are only a few witches that are true. The challenge is to witch as my mother did.

Since many witches deal primarily in cash, do you think it’s going to be hard for the government to tax the money that they make?
For the true witches it won’t be hard, because the true witches, they want to be legal. They want their profession to be respected like others throughout the world. But the ones who aren’t true witches, the ones who practice false things, I think it will be very hard to take money from them, because they will want to keep their work illegal, and they will continue to use all the things that are not good.

It sounds like you don’t approve of the way the government spends your tax money, but you still want your work to be recognized as a legitimate profession, is that right?
Yes.

Has a politician ever asked you to put a spell on someone they don’t like, or on one of their rivals?
I don’t do bad magic to people. I practice white magic.

Have you casted any friendly spells for politicians?
I have made love spells for them, and also good spells for their homes. Not for the government though, just for people from the government.

How much do you charge for a spell?
500 bucks.

A flat rate? That simple?
For the politicians, because they have money. For simple people, because they don’t have much money, I charge 100 dollars.

How did you become a witch? Are there schools for witchcraft?
I learned from my mother. She learned this from her mother, because her mother was a witch, the mother of her mother was a witch, and all her ancestors. My mother was the personal witch of Nicolae Ceauşescu, you know Ceauşescu, right? The president of Romania who was executed, my mother was his personal witch.

That’s impressive. Under the new law, if a witch’s spells don’t work, she will be fined. Are you worried about that?
I do magic that works, so I can’t get in trouble. My spells are perfect.

Why would someone choose to be a black witch instead of a white witch?
There are witches who are born to be white witches and there are witches who are born to be black witches. It is a gift.

What are some of the spells that the unhappy black witches are casting on the government?
To make couples breakup, to… I don’t know, only bad things.

What type of ingredients do they use in their spells?
They use black cats’ hearts, dirt from where people are buried, skulls, bats, lots and lots of things, but I do not know how to explain all of them to you.

What type of ingredients do you use?
Candles, holy water, honey, elixirs, potions, amulets, flowers, lots of things.

Has a black witch ever cast a spell on you?
You cannot use a spell on another witch. It’s impossible because witches have armor. Not real armor, they have like protection shields.

Thank you, Rodica.

@Jonathan_Smth