Anything You'd Like to Confess Before the End of the World?
Dec 20 2012
So I guess this is farewell. Tomorrow marks the day the whole internet has been waiting for: the final reckoning, apocalyptic hellfire raining down on Earth and your flesh rended from bone as humanity makes its excruciating descent into the eternal void of death.
With that in mind, it's probably about time to get all that stuff you've been bottling up for your entire stint on this planet off your chest. Admitting you killed your ex-girlfriend's cat, confessing your love to that girl at work, finally making out with that sexy homeless guy who's always giving you the eye... whatever. It's the end of the world, so anything you say isn't going to mean shit, but it might make you feel better.
We wanted to be the catalyst for change for a select group of strangers, so we went and asked them a question to guide them along the path to eternal happiness (until really soon, when they'll be dead): Is there anything you'd like to confess before the end of the world?
Josh, 25: No, I wouldn’t confess anything because I’ve got nothing to confess, obviously. I haven't got any skeletons hidden away in any closets or anything. No, none of that.
That sounds a little defensive for an innocent man. How would you spend your last day?
I’d go and blow all the money I’ve got, which would probably only last me about five minutes. Then I’d tell everyone what I thought of them, but only nice things. I wouldn't go around being mean to people on the last day of human life.
It wouldn’t do me any good. I’d feel bad.
Jamie, 24 (left) and Joel 22.
Joel: I reckon I’d just carry on as usual, to be honest. It'd be no different than any other day.
Besides the fact that it would be the end of the world. Wouldn’t you want to do something crazy?
I dunno. Maybe, if someone pushed me, I guess I’d smoke lots of illicit drugs.
Would you confess your deepest desires?
Jamie: No, we’re pretty boring, really. I don't think I have any deep desires to confess.
What about sins? Do you have any of those?
Nope. I’m positive. No desires and no sins.
Andrea, 50: That's a ridiculous question. It's not going to be the end of the world, is it?
I don't know. Do you know something I don't?
I know the world's not going to end, for a start. But I probably know quite a few things that you don't.
Ouch. Hypothetically, though, let's say the world were ending, do you have anything you'd want to confess?
The secrets I have are secrets for a reason. If I tell you, then when the world carries on as normal tomorrow everyone will know them and I'll look like an idiot, won't I?
Good point. But please relax. All this aggro is stressing me out more than the end of the world.
Tom, 26 (left) and Cameron 25.
Cameron: I’m going to continue spending my time looking at houses because I’m looking for a new place to live.
That's how you're spending your last 24 hours on Earth?
Yep. Why not?
Well, you might not need it tomorrow. Surely there are better things you could be doing with your time.
Tom: Yeah, but if we get an apartment today, I think I’d die happy. I’d die with no regrets.
John, 24: I dunno, man. I’d smoke and drink heavier than I do now. I’d say "Fuck it. Fuck it all." That’s pretty much the attitude you've got to have, isn't it? If there's any time to do stupid shit, it's when no one in the world is going to hear about it the next day because they'll all be dead.
Thank god someone has the right idea.
Yeah, exactly. That should be the only option. I already don't have any regrets about stuff I have done or haven't done, so why start now? I say just go for it.
Right on, brother.
Previously - Who's Your Daddy?
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I Almost Got My Head Chopped Off By Illegal Lumberjacks
Things You Learn Designing Porn Banners for a Living
I Went to a Raëlian Cult Protest for Titties
Stress Makes Me Horny
Superstitious People Are Dismembering Albinos in Tanzania
Voss Water Is Bullshit
Bad Cop Blotter: The Police Aren't So Brave When Someone Has a Weapon
It's a Godlis World: Early Photos of Punk Rock After Dark
VICE News: Water War: Dry in Detroit