HANNAH BROOKS
Photo by Briony WrightWhether your creative hero is a musician, actor, skater, filmmaker, designer, blogger, dancer, professional ratbag or another variety of artist altogether, the most important thing to remember is that they’re not normal.
Since artists are not normal people, it is vital to make certain concessions to normal human interaction. Do not approach them with the same attitude you would your local 7/11 guy – especially if your hero happens to have chanced upon fame and fortune. This is not to say that every artist is an asshole. Many are quite humble and constantly surprised that their name turns up millions of Google pages, while others are not only self-obsessed but just plain mean (a good example being Lou Reed). Regardless, just like a good hot tub, the trick is to know what you’re dealing with before you go in.
So if you happen to be charming or clever enough to end up in the same room as your artistic hero, these are some helpful rules that might help you avoid looking and sounding like a pointless bore right at the critical moment. Ultimately, these people just want to have a good time and in an ideal world, they’ll be having a good time with and thanks to you. Read carefully and good luck.
DOs
- Before meeting your hero it is essential that you know your stuff. If, unfortunately but understandably enough, your hero is Lou Reed, it is imperative that you know every detail of every single goddamn thing he has ever done. We’re talking every bootleg of every B-side off every 7 inch he’s ever released. They will call you on it so you’re going to want to be prepared. If you don’t know your details, not only could your fandom be questioned but your general intelligence as well. Also, know where they are at in their career. You will look like an imbecile if you ask them how their new album / film / show differs from their others, only to have them reply “This is my first album”. - Do make sure you actually know what your hero does. It sounds obvious but if you’re hazy on the details, the results can be disastrous. Think about this scenario. You attend a concert of a touring Japanese band. You get backstage and start chatting to the guitarist about how much you love their playing. They nod politely for five minutes until you finally shut up and they explain in broken English that they are in fact the drummer. Not only will they think you are completely stupid but they’ll also think you’re a racist who can’t tell people of a different nationality apart. Bad, bad move. - Even if it goes against your better nature, it pays to be polite. Even if you think Snoop Dogg will react well if you greet him with a “Hey muthaf***er!” it’s safest to stick to general etiquette and approach him with a simple “Hello, Mr Dogg, it is a pleasure to meet you”. - Do make sure you are aware of their ethics. Things will not go in your favour if you turn up to a meeting with your hero dressed in head to toe leather and fur if they’re a strict vegan and active member of PETA. - Do try and be interesting. If the only thing you can think of talking about is the weather then you’re gonna be in trouble. Find out what they’re interested in and try to engage them in conversation. Try to find common ground, even if the only thing you have in common with them is being in the same room. Finally, make sure you know if they like talking about their art or detest discussing it. Trust us, it’s better than finding out the hard way.
Photo by Benjamin ThomsonDON’TS
- One of the most common mistakes people make when meeting their hero is accidentally making them feel old. It usually goes something like this. You: “Oh my God! I loved your music/book/film when I was, like, 16. Meeting you is fulfilling my teenage fantasy”. Artist, with a horrified look of disapproval, mutters “Thanks” and immediately walks off. By telling them this, you are implying that they are old. No one, particularly a self-involved artist, likes that. If it’s a choice between brooding silence and gushing something stupid like this, silence should win every time. - Don’t ask your hero personal details. Full stop. It’s none of your business and most artists loath talking about their intimate details. And remember, gossip magazines are just that: gossip. Do not try and ask them about something you have read in NW. A good example is the very silly TV presenter who recently asked Bob Dylan why he changed his name. That’s like asking your grandmother why she has wrinkles; it’s completely obvious and also none of your business. Bob Dylan changed his name more than 40 years ago and asking him now is just plain stupid and irrelevant. - Don’t ask your hero if they want a drink, a cigarette or a line of coke. Many artists are ex-addicts and won’t take kindly to your offer. Alternatively, if they accept you could end up with a drunk ex-alcoholic on your hands and, while you may have a fun night, you are gonna find yourself in a sea of awkward merde the next day. - If your hero is a strictly jeans and t-shirt kind of person don’t ask them about their ‘style’. Patti Smith wants to talk about Rimbaud, not Lagerfeld’s latest collection. Style is a personal thing and asking your hero why they wear what they wear is going to make you seem frivolous and not what they’re looking for in a new tour buddy. - Don’t tell your hero who you think they sound / look / act like. Artists always like to think of themselves as original and nothing will sink your conversation as quickly as comparing your favourite singer to someone in a band they hate. - Don’t pretend you understand what they are talking about. It is better to be honest and admit that you don’t know the difference between a Fender and a Gibson rather than being caught out. If you don’t know, don’t pretend. Just shut the hell up and listen. - Don’t be too generous with your praise. If the only thing you can say is “Oh My God! I Love you! You are my hero! I love you!” over and over again then chances are they may mistake you for a monosyllabic moron and give you a gentle pat on the head before hi-tailing it outta there. - Keep yourself together. Relax. Don’t faint, don’t vomit and don’t approach them if you are too drunk. You know why. Ok. That should start you on the right track. Remember that honesty is always a good option and don’t be afraid to be yourself. Although artists are not normal people they’re still human and if all else fails there is one universal thing that all human beings enjoy and that is having a good laugh. Just make sure the joke is on you, not them.
- Before meeting your hero it is essential that you know your stuff. If, unfortunately but understandably enough, your hero is Lou Reed, it is imperative that you know every detail of every single goddamn thing he has ever done. We’re talking every bootleg of every B-side off every 7 inch he’s ever released. They will call you on it so you’re going to want to be prepared. If you don’t know your details, not only could your fandom be questioned but your general intelligence as well. Also, know where they are at in their career. You will look like an imbecile if you ask them how their new album / film / show differs from their others, only to have them reply “This is my first album”. - Do make sure you actually know what your hero does. It sounds obvious but if you’re hazy on the details, the results can be disastrous. Think about this scenario. You attend a concert of a touring Japanese band. You get backstage and start chatting to the guitarist about how much you love their playing. They nod politely for five minutes until you finally shut up and they explain in broken English that they are in fact the drummer. Not only will they think you are completely stupid but they’ll also think you’re a racist who can’t tell people of a different nationality apart. Bad, bad move. - Even if it goes against your better nature, it pays to be polite. Even if you think Snoop Dogg will react well if you greet him with a “Hey muthaf***er!” it’s safest to stick to general etiquette and approach him with a simple “Hello, Mr Dogg, it is a pleasure to meet you”. - Do make sure you are aware of their ethics. Things will not go in your favour if you turn up to a meeting with your hero dressed in head to toe leather and fur if they’re a strict vegan and active member of PETA. - Do try and be interesting. If the only thing you can think of talking about is the weather then you’re gonna be in trouble. Find out what they’re interested in and try to engage them in conversation. Try to find common ground, even if the only thing you have in common with them is being in the same room. Finally, make sure you know if they like talking about their art or detest discussing it. Trust us, it’s better than finding out the hard way.
- One of the most common mistakes people make when meeting their hero is accidentally making them feel old. It usually goes something like this. You: “Oh my God! I loved your music/book/film when I was, like, 16. Meeting you is fulfilling my teenage fantasy”. Artist, with a horrified look of disapproval, mutters “Thanks” and immediately walks off. By telling them this, you are implying that they are old. No one, particularly a self-involved artist, likes that. If it’s a choice between brooding silence and gushing something stupid like this, silence should win every time. - Don’t ask your hero personal details. Full stop. It’s none of your business and most artists loath talking about their intimate details. And remember, gossip magazines are just that: gossip. Do not try and ask them about something you have read in NW. A good example is the very silly TV presenter who recently asked Bob Dylan why he changed his name. That’s like asking your grandmother why she has wrinkles; it’s completely obvious and also none of your business. Bob Dylan changed his name more than 40 years ago and asking him now is just plain stupid and irrelevant. - Don’t ask your hero if they want a drink, a cigarette or a line of coke. Many artists are ex-addicts and won’t take kindly to your offer. Alternatively, if they accept you could end up with a drunk ex-alcoholic on your hands and, while you may have a fun night, you are gonna find yourself in a sea of awkward merde the next day. - If your hero is a strictly jeans and t-shirt kind of person don’t ask them about their ‘style’. Patti Smith wants to talk about Rimbaud, not Lagerfeld’s latest collection. Style is a personal thing and asking your hero why they wear what they wear is going to make you seem frivolous and not what they’re looking for in a new tour buddy. - Don’t tell your hero who you think they sound / look / act like. Artists always like to think of themselves as original and nothing will sink your conversation as quickly as comparing your favourite singer to someone in a band they hate. - Don’t pretend you understand what they are talking about. It is better to be honest and admit that you don’t know the difference between a Fender and a Gibson rather than being caught out. If you don’t know, don’t pretend. Just shut the hell up and listen. - Don’t be too generous with your praise. If the only thing you can say is “Oh My God! I Love you! You are my hero! I love you!” over and over again then chances are they may mistake you for a monosyllabic moron and give you a gentle pat on the head before hi-tailing it outta there. - Keep yourself together. Relax. Don’t faint, don’t vomit and don’t approach them if you are too drunk. You know why. Ok. That should start you on the right track. Remember that honesty is always a good option and don’t be afraid to be yourself. Although artists are not normal people they’re still human and if all else fails there is one universal thing that all human beings enjoy and that is having a good laugh. Just make sure the joke is on you, not them.