Baubo, the Vulva Clown

Do you remember the first time you heard the word "fupa"? The first time I heard someone say "fupa" was an instinctual, clear moment where I instantly understood what it meant. My friend David moaned real low and underbreath to me, "fupa" when one was coming right toward us. It was a moment of primal clarity. Probably the first cave grunts for fucks or food were all fupa's unto themselves. Whatever the Latin name may be, the fupa is a mutha fuckin fupa! NO doubt! Don't need to tell me twice! I got it!

The fupa was basically ignored for years though. It had no special name. Hey man, back in the 80s, when a fupa would come onto the scene, it was just a meaningless extra slab. There was no way to refer to it directly. I suppose people would just point at it. Now, the sweet, smiling poonch is finally getting some attention and a fresh name. And it's a good name, too. The intonation is semi-exotic, alluring, and fun to say. It might seem that I poke fun at fupas, but I really like them. Some people say obesity is a sad epidemic, I think it's a far happier way of life.

Anyway, long before there were fupas, there was a Baubo. In Greek mythology, Baubo was an old nurse who cheered up the goddess Demeter by pulling up her dress and making her laugh at her vagina and belly. From then on, Baubo has been celebrated as a symbol of bawdy female humor and is usually depicted as a face just above the vagina with two chubby legs, causing ruckus with no underpants and making everybody laugh. She is the one and only vulvic clown! Baubo's attitude is basically punk—shut up and laugh, make fun of yourself, poop on a plate and laugh at your own shit, show off your pussy in a comedic way (when does that ever get to happen?). Plus, the bigger the fupa, the funnier the Baubo too. So, BAM Jillian Michaels!

Isn't this little one adorable? My favorite Baubo. She looks just like Princess Di!

This one looks like a grumpy old Upper East Sider returning library books. I don't really get this Baubo. She has pretty make-up application, but I'm not getting a party vibe.

I made some of my own Baubos:

Here are my brother, mom, dad, Ziggy, and Seth Putnam from Anal Cunt as Baubos.

General athletic Baubos.

Charlie Brown as a Baubo.

Michael Jackson as a Baubo.

I drew a Baubo smoking a cigarette!

One more Ziggy style Baubo!

This is my boyfriend's mom as a Baubo.

And here is my boyfriend as a Baubo!

Next time someone is feeling sad, pull up your skirt and show off your Baubo, even if you don't have a hefty fupa, everyone will laugh it off and walk away feeling better.

ADRIANE SCHRAMM