And so with last week's green light for North Carolina's Amendment 1, and President Obama's subsequent response of announcing he's all for gay rights after all, the battle lines that will decide the upcoming election have been drawn.
Sure, there will be talks and debates and ads about the economy (stupid), foreign affairs, the state of our public education, offshore drilling, and whether playing golf somehow makes you less or more of an American. There will certainly be grand theoretical arguments aired on CNN and Fox where the words “socialism” and “free market” get thrown around without either candidate's hired pundits really knowing what the fuck they're talking about. But after all that, at this election's core, you have two candidates who really aren't all that different. One goes by a Democrat, one by Republican, but they're both centrist to the point that there's plenty of crossover. But, now there's one place where they don't: One is trying to keep civil rights away from a large group of Americans due to a religious belief in the sanctity of marriage, and one is not.
So this election will come down to humanity. If you're of the opinion that those who believe in an all-seeing, probably bearded, pristinely robed, judgey, and scornful male, that He would be angered if a portion of His creation have man-made ceremonies expressing their love for one another, then Mitt's your guy. If you are of the belief that that's bullshit, time for a second Barry term.
Onto the fabulous round-up!
- Ken Hutcherson, a Washington-state-based pastor from Antioch Bible Church is sick and tired of these homosexuals using the word “gay,” when really it should just be used for folks who are “happy” or “full of joy.” Related: Ken Hutcherson is a "douchebag,” but more in the current Jersey Shore bar-scene vernacular than the classic drugstore definition.
- Speaking of gay-bashing pastors, another one, Ron Baity from North Carolina, thinks that our nation has “become dumb” because we no longer prosecute gays like we used to, back in the good-ol-days, with arrests for sodomy and such.
- NYPD arrested a Jewish school teacher for a whole bunch (meaning “hundreds of images and videos”) of child porn on his computer. Which begs the question: How come the cops don't ever just, like, find “a few” or “a bit” or “a tad” of child porn on computers?
- The numbers have not been scientifically crunched, but it certainly seems Arizona is currently the worst state when it comes to women's rights. The latest shot is Governor Jan Brewer—one of five women governors currently in the U.S., it should be noted—signing a bill that stops federal funding to Planned Parenthood.
- We perhaps may have found a reason that Arizonians hate women—they're horribly afraid of losing to them in sports. Last week, a Christian high school based in Phoenix, Our Lady of Sorrows, chose to actually forfeit a championship baseball game because they'd be playing a team who has a female on the squad.
- Although Kansas isn't going to let Arizona win that prize without putting their two cents in first, as evidenced by this new asinine and obtuse bill that was introduced forcing doctors to warn their patients that abortion may cause breast cancer, despite a lot of that claim being disputed by “science.”
- An Iranian cartoonist has been sentenced to a flogging of 25 lashes after drawing an unflattering portrait of a member of parliament. Not specifically religion-related here, but seems like that's an awful similar mindset as the cartoonists that were attacked after their depictions of Muhammed.
- Good news: That guy who volunteered to the heads of al Qaeda to suicide bomb a plane traveling into the U.S. but was really a double agent has all sorts of secrets to share with us! Bad news: One of those secrets is that their bomb-making techniques show a “disconcerting advance.” Related news: The mole offered enough information to take out eight al Qaeda insurgents one day, five the next, and ten later in the week, so that's something?
- Bristol Palin does not agree with Barack Obama's recent approval of same-sex marriage, seeing as “we know that in general kids do better growing up in a mother/father home.” It should probably be noted, her own child does not have one of those.
- In Australia, a priest was convicted of 23 counts of sexual assault, including going down on an eight-year-old boy with a physical disability while the priest told him to just look up at Jesus hanging on the wall.
- In Kansas City, a woman won a religious-discrimination lawsuit against her employer, AT&T, who, in the time they should've been spending putting up more cell towers, were instead ripping traditional scarves from the heads of their female Muslim employees.
- Exodus International, the Christian organization that promotes the freedom from homosexuality through the healing power of the Jesus Christ, couldn't garner enough interest to justify holding their annual Love Won Out conference in New Mexico.
- Until late April—which, looking on the calendar here, is a few weeks ago—the U.S. military taught a course that stated America's enemy was “Islam” and that we may have to “obliterate the Islamic holy cities of Mecca and Medina without regard for civilian deaths.”
- And finally, our Person(s) of the Week: These two folks—their names unknown, but one is a Romanian woman, the other an Italian man—who were the first couple married in the Church of Kopimism, the so-called “file-sharing” religion that holds CTRL+C and CTRL+V as sacred symbols.
Previously - Who Is Watching