Dogmageddon

Throw the Gays in a Corral

By Rick Paulas

So, that asshole. That's Pastor Charles L. Worley from Providence Road Baptist Church in North Carolina, rattling on about how God and anyone who follows His way should be “again'” homosexuality. But don't worry, unlike other Christian soldiers who just complain, complain, complain without offering logical solutions to the problem, Mr. Worley's got one: 

“Build a great big large fence, 150 or 100-mile long, put all the lesbians in there. Fly over and drop some food. Do the same thing with the queers and the homosexuals. And have that fence electrified so they can't get out. Feed 'em. And you know what? In a few years they'll die out. You know why? They can't reproduce.” 

This, of course, was met with a great chorus of “Amens” from the congregation. 

Forget for a moment about the strange hypocrisy that comes with wanting to stick people behind electrified fences (bad) while also making sure they're getting enough nourishment (good!). That's simply a jerk trying to make the whole thing not seem so, oh, let's say, “Holocausty.” Instead, let's focus on the logistics of his solution: If simple anatomy proves two men, or two women, can't create a baby because they're missing the necessary sperm/egg combo, then keeping them contained will end the spread of homosexuality.

I'm going to let the Silver Fox handle this one:

Onto the roundup!

- Looking to beat the heat this summer while also being highly controversial and inflammatory? Then get in contact with Chilean artist Sebastian Errazuriz, who's put together a bunch of "holy blood popsicles" made of frozen red wine that's been “inadvertently blessed by the priest during the Eucharist, as the popsicles were hidden in a cooler by the artist.” Subversive, clandestine, and delicious! (Most importantly, full of alcohol.)

- Two mostly unrelated events that happened on the same day last week: 1. A few unmanned Skynet-like drones flung into the air by the U.S. killed five suspected Islamist militants in northwest Pakistan. 2. Shakeel Afridi, a Pakistani doctor, was sentenced to 33 years in jail for “treason” after he was convicted of helping America track the movements of Osama bin Laden. Both of these showcase a, let's say, “moderately hostile” working relationship between the two countries.

- And then the U.S. went ahead and droned another ten militants the next day. And back and forth we go.

- Headline writers got a big break this week after it was learned the party responsible for the leaking of vital Vatican documents was none other than the pope's butler.

- Speaking of embarrassing Catholics, Notre Dame University—whose inability to field a decent football team in nearly a decade is one of those minor symbolic points to throw on the evidence pile that Progress is occurring—is part of a lawsuit challenging the constitutionality of the federal regulation forcing organizations to provide insurance coverage for contraceptives to their employees.

- NATO casualties reached their milestone 3,000th dead in the ongoing 9/11-response war in Afghanistan. On the other side of that ledger, later in the week NATO forces killed an eight-member Afghan family with no Taliban ties in an air strike gone wrong.

- The Susan B. Anthony List, a coalition of anti-choice women, released a strange mind-fuck of an ad using the tired old 1984 trope to somehow suggest that President Obama's pro-choice initiatives are … totalitarian? Somehow? Because women are sick and tired of being told they should want to have the power to do what they want with their bodies?

 - In Mali, a pair of rebel groups who seized the northern part of the country have decided to merge, the end result being they're going to turn that part of the country into an independent Islamist state. So, you know, if your travel agent says they got a great deal on a trip to Mali, maybe let that bargain go.

- The AP got their hands on some 4,000 pages of confidential files regarding nine Franciscan brothers who were accused of diddling kids while at St. Anthony's, a prestigious boarding school in Santa Barbara. Their cross-generational findings are creep-tastic: “One offender bringing kids in can set them up to be abused by another offender and those kids in turn grow up to become a member of the order and themselves begin abusing children.” Yeesh.

- A rare appearance on our weekly roundup by our Orthodox Jewish brethren: A woman in New Jersey is suing an Orthodox-owned lingerie company after her employers said her outfit was too distracting, and maybe she should “tape down her breasts” to make it less offensive. They run a lingerie company, it should once again be noted.

- A court in Belgium has charged six people with deceiving a young Muslim woman into believing she couldn't have kids because she was possessed by demons, and then proceeded to exorcise her to death.

- Amish in New York—the original hipsters—are sick and tired of industrialized heathens telling them what they have to install in their buildings. Case in point, they're going to court after being told their buildings won't be approved if they don't install smoke alarms. 

- A mother from Mexico City was arrested after she reportedly gouged out her five-year-old son's eyes during a drug-and-booze-fueled religious ceremony.

- In Afghanistan, 122 teenage girls and three of their teachers were poisoned at school. While it has yet to be proven, everyone pretty much suspects the Taliban, who are pulling the poisonings in order to scare girls out of going to school, a big no-no in their religious brains.

- And our much-anticipated Person of the Week Award goes to: Tom Bartlett over at Religious Dispatches, who has an interesting piece looking at the Harold Camping-led Family Radio Worldwide–those folks who believed May 21st, 2011 was the end of the world, remember them?—and what they've been up to this past year. Spoiler: Not really a whole hell of a lot.
 

Previously - God Hates Your Team

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