Originally, this introductory rant was to be a 4,000-word assault on the (now, not so much) asinine folks at the Susan G. Komen Foundation, because they were about to let religion (more specifically, the insane and legislative Christians) wreck one of the most important things around: boobs. And when boobs are on the defensive, Rick gets angry.
But then after an insane amount of pressure from every single person with a blog—instead of linking a bunch, I’m just going to point you towards Tess Lynch’s, because it’s my favorite—and every cool female friend you have on Facebook, I had to highlight the whole agro rant and press delete because Komen wisely backed away from their stance and returned funding to Planned Parenthood.
(In between their announcement and retraction, Planned Parenthood received over $3 million in protest donations. So, you know, win-win for all.)
While religion was close to wrecking something of enormous import this week, it turned out the goodness of humanity won out this time and women will once again get the same access to breast exams and mammogram referrals they had before. Even more so now, maybe, because of the new influx of donations. So, in the Great War between rational and good-hearted humanists and insane religious fundamentals, this skirmish was definitely won by the former.
Score one for humanity!
ALL that said: It’s probably still an appropriate time to address how we got into all of this mess, and the reason Planned Parenthood gets put in the crosshairs at all: Christians getting up in everybody’s sexual business.
You know that kindergarten bully who’d lose a game of basketball and then take that basketball, the only one lying around, and drop-kick it over the fence? That’s Christians and sex.
Now, I forget who first made a point of it, and no doubt I’m butchering the exact phrasing of the quote, but if you simply look at their political agenda, Christians care about life from the moment of conception until the moment of birth. After that, everyone’s on their fucking own. And there’s no better example of that ass-backwards thinking than their constant attacks on Planned Parenthood, an organization devoted to stopping the spread of disease and promoting the health of women (and therefore everyone, since women, like, make people).
Onto the roundup of things religion is ruining that are less important than boobs, because everything is less important than boobs.
- Another group that hates boobies: The religious extremists in Iran, who banned Iranian actress Golshifteh Farahani from returning to her homeland after a French magazine published topless photos of her. Possibly even more unfortunately, this lead to a bunch of dudes posing topless and bottomless on a Facebook page protesting the decision. (Story, including NSFW boobies and dong, over here.)
- Randall Terry, “presidential candidate” on the Anti-Choice ticket, wants to run a Super Bowl ad in Chicago that shows a whole bunch of aborted fetii. Hopefully you’re not mid-munch on seven-layer dip when it runs.
- A right-wing conservative organization that calls itself One Million Moms want J.C. Penney to fire spokesperson Ellen DeGeneres for being gay.
- Oh, speaking of conservatives and those who are prejudiced, there is now scientific proof that those people are complete idiots when it comes to thinking.
- And, oh, speaking of that even further, Kim Kardashian wants to start a Bible study group.
- One fun thing that comes out whenever Mormons are in the news, be it HBO’s Big Love or Mitt Romney’s roller coaster ride to the Republican nomination, is that they have one of the most hilariously awesome religious rituals of all time: Stealing dead souls from other religions and claiming them as their own!
- The Netherlands became the third European country to ban wearing the Islamic burka in public, which is surely going to go over super-smoothly.
- The Archbishop of York, second-highest senior cleric in the Church of England, said that Prime Minister David Cameron would be acting like “a dictator” if he allows same-sex marriage to become legalized.
- A U.S. drone took out another 15 members of Al Qaida.
- An Afghanistan man and his mother strangled the man’s wife because she had given birth to a third baby girl when he had wanted a son. If you don’t think this is deeply rooted in religious beliefs, you’re not paying close enough attention.
- In Egypt, a comic was sentenced to three months in prison for insulting Islam in his films and stage plays.
- Pennsylvania’s House of Representatives passed a resolution that officially makes 2012 “The Year of the Bible.”
- Senator Stacey Campfield of Tennessee, author of the extremely controversial “Don’t Say Gay” bill which is basically the high school version of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” believes that AIDS was caused by, and I’m quoting now, “one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly, and then having sex with men. It was an airline pilot, if I recall.”
- Alabama Senator Shadrack McGill (a real name) believes that raising a teacher’s salary is against the Bible.
- And finally, in kind of good news: Senator Janet Howell from Virginia introduced an addendum to her state’s apeshit law that forces women seeking abortions to first get and look-very-closely-at an ultrasound, which would force men looking for erectile dysfunction treatment to first get a prostate exam. She is, needless to say, a hero. Unfortunately, the addendum didn’t pass. But it only lost by two votes!
Previously - Going Viral
Please send religious-based tips and/or hate mail to rickpaulas at gmail dot com.