Goldman Variation

If You don’t Like the Spurs, You’re a Wall-Eyed Moron.

They're the NBA’s model franchise.

50 Cent Writes Erotic Crime Novels

DEATH BEFORE DiSHONOR is vaguely sexual and totally confusing.

We Interviewed Anna Waronker From That Dog

That Dog is playing in Brooklyn tonight. We talked to Anna and flipped out about it.

Chaos in Tejas is the Least Assy Music Festival

Everything else is really scary and weird in the bad way.

Hey Ron!: Hey Ron! - Am I Watching Too Much Porn?

There are probably a few people at VICE with sticky keyboards.

Having Hair Is Over

Shaving half of your head is cool now, and more stuff in VICE Style's Week in Tidbits.

Cry-Baby of the Week

This week, Gambian honeymooners versus this sexy lady's boss.

VICE Exclusive: Dreamers' "Appaloosa" Video

People give fake birth to fake celebrities in this new Dreamers video.

The Man Behind "Biopsy" Magazine Has a New Collection of Searing Essays

Chris R. Morgan has a new e-book called "Northern Agression."

World Peace Update

We're not quite there yet, folks.

Earl Is Free

How I got to eat a burger and fries with Earl Sweatshirt.

Shorties: Nimrod in Cannes - Part 2

Annoying Ewan McGregor and that huge Kardashian sister.

Motherboard: Now I'm a Meme: Vermin Supreme

If he's elected president, every American gets a free pony.

Are You a Sociopath?

Take the official 2012 Diagnostic Test.

Girl Eats Food: Popping Candy Pavlova

A mega-meringue that will conjure up nostalgia from kiddy-hood to the awkwardness of puberty.

I Don't "Get" Art

I'm finally ready to admit I do not and probably have not ever "gotten" art.

The Man Behind "Biopsy" Magazine Has a New Collection of Searing Essays

Chris R. Morgan has a new e-book called "Northern Agression."

Dinner with Porn Stars

Bon Apetit!

Kids of "the Iraqi Hiroshima"

The horrifying legacy of the Iraq War.

How to Not Violate Man Code: My Day with Waka Flocka Flame

Inventing languages, talking man code, and explaining what "rooster" means.

Do Cannibalistic Spiders Make You Horny?

Slutever talks to the "Digital Diaries" lady.

We Interviewed 50 Cent and DJ Drama

50 Cent is basically a weird dude at heart. Especially after having food poisoning.

The Mercy Rule - Contemporary Magic

Steve Van Gundy is an acerbic gnome.

Motherboard: Impossible Is Something

The cautionary tale of Aleksey Vayner, unintentional viral superstar.

The VICE Guide to Gold Digging

Every time I buy Vogue I spend most of the time looking at the ads. I want all that shit.

VICE News: Colombian Devil's Breath

Scopolamine is a terrifying drug that eliminates free will.

Il-Sung Songs

Photos by Ben Ritter, Stylist: Annette Lamothe-Ramos

Ave-Done

Aliya Naumoff tried to think like Richard Avedon for a day.