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(CREME) EGG AND Fries
How did it taste? Not as bad as it looked. Creme Egg and fries tapped into the same palate tingling sensation as dipping your McDonald's fries into your milkshake does: sweet, salty, you know you're being disgusting but you're in too deep to care. Microwaved for maximum consistency, the flavors of once-frozen potato melded perfectly with the chocolaty overtones and sugary finish. In the end it was something like a salty brioche. I would eat this again.
Rating? Eight Creme Eggs out of ten.
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STEAK TARTARE
How did it taste? I decided to disperse the egg evenly over the steak, which was by now comfortably reanimating at room temperature. It was oniony, it was sugary and it was sort of what you'd expect a Creme Egg mashed into chopped steak to taste like. Evidently, it wasn't too bad, as my colleague Leala came to join in and didn't even vomit once.
Rating? Raw steak and Creme Egg: 6/10
JÄG-EGG-BOMB
How did it taste? How does any Jägerbomb taste? A sort of hollow whisper of despair: a promise that you have done something to permanently alter your electrolytes; the threat that you are going to be awake for hours, skin shrinking, body shaking, feeling the Jägerbomb creep through you. Like that, but with added fondant. The hardest part of this mix was deciding at which point to put the egg in. I decided on trying to mash it in and pour everything else on top. To be honest, it was just a slightly more sugary Jägerbomb and felt like a bit of a waste of egg and energy drink alike. To confirm: I think putting a Creme Egg in a Jägerbomb is a waste. However, I think putting a Creme Egg in some $9.50 steak tartare is not a waste.
Rating? 3/10.
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MISO EGG SOUP
How did it taste? The miso soup was interesting. Tip: if you're going to buy miso soup to crack a Creme Egg into as part of some elaborate photographic joke that stopped being funny two Jägerbombs ago, don't buy it 45 minutes before you need it so it can sit in the office and go from hot to lukewarm. I mean, I'm not saying that made the addition of a Creme Egg any worse, but it didn't exactly help.
Weirdly, the salty and savory base worked quite well with the sugary finish, and the half-melted chocolate texture produced something utterly sublime. Perhaps I was just so hungry that anything resembling food would have been fine, but I have to say it was a triumph.
Rating? I went in for seconds. Eight eggs out of ten cremes.
A SHOT OF VODKA DONE OUT OF A CREME EGG
How did it taste? LIKE A FUCKING SHOT OF VODKA DONE OUT OF A CREME EGG, BRO.
Rating? YEAH. DO THIS. DO THIS TO YOUR MOM. DO THIS TO YOUR GRANDMA. YOU'RE GOING HOME FOR A BIG FAMILY DINNER THIS WEEKEND, AREN'T YOU? BIG MEAL, YEAH? FAMILY GATHERING, YEAH? FILL YOUR CREME EGGS WITH VODKA AND TURN IT INTO A FUCKING PARTY. ONE THOUSAND CREME EGGS OUT OF TEN.