Hey, Watch It! #2 - Them

There are very few horror movie conceits that can scare the shit out of me faster than a home invasion, which unfortunately doesn't really do me any good since there aren't many instances when I need a big pile of turds produced quickly and efficiently. But if I did, I'd watch a home invasion movie. Apparently this is a common fear, since there are so many of them to choose from.

The idea that your home, your so-called "safe haven," where you eat your Hot Pockets and cuddle with your cat and watch Jersey Shore, can be busted in on at any time by unforeseen criminals, hellbent on the destruction of your property and your person is fucking terrifying! And imagining these things happening when you're a woman sucks extra bad because it is only natural to envision all the horrible sexual depravities that will be inflicted upon you in addition to the routine home invasion beating-type stuff. I usually just picture guy home invasion victims being smashed in the kneecaps with a croquet mallet (in my vision/fantasy, it's what was handy at the time) and having their throats slit with a rusty bread knife (also handy). Lucky bastards.

I probably think too much about home invasions.

Ever the glutton for punishment, though, I seek these films out. Maybe it's my home-brewed form of aversion therapy. Whatever the case, the 2007 French movie Them (original title: Ils) is probably my favorite of the genre, for a few reasons. I'll try to explain them without giving away too much of the "twist" to this film, which is fairly crucial to your enjoyment of it.

The movie starts out with that familiar horror movie cliché of a mom and daughter pulled over in their busted-up car on the side of the road on a dark, spooky night. Unsurprisingly, they are brutally killed (though we never really see the assailants). This isn't really a spoiler, so relax. You kind of know it's gonna happen—like I said, cliché. But somehow it isn't annoying.

CUT TO: a young married couple in the countryside, enjoying a relaxing evening together in their rambling new (old) home. Also a horror movie standby, true, but hang in there. Between the prank calls they begin receiving and the crazy noises that surround them, it quickly becomes clear they are under attack. What isn't clear is who they're being attacked by, or why. All we know is that they're hooded. People? Goblins? Who knows.

So obviously we're in for a game of home invasion cat-and-mouse, and I can't say too much about what happens or to whom without revealing important plot points—but I can tell you that the filmmakers do a great job of maintaining the tension and getting the viewer from Point A (pretty couple having dinner and watching TV) to Point B (pretty couple fending off attackers with a fireplace poker and whatever gumption they can muster). The entire movie is only 76 minutes and very few are wasted. I like a movie that values my time—it's so polite!

Something else that must be praised is the sound design. The way it is used in this film is incredibly unnerving and well done. I watched this movie on my laptop with headphones on and it genuinely creeped me out and made me feel nervous. An undeniable plus for a horror film!

Oh, and if you think this film sounds similar to 2008's The Strangers, the answer is "well, kind of, but not really." The comparisons are really superficial. Every misstep that could be taken in that film, they take. The plot of The Strangers is lame, the villains goofier, and the ending is markedly different—so do not be fooled. If you're looking for something scary to watch this Halloween weekend that isn't your typical haunted house or slasher fare, you could do far worse than Them.

Watch Them on Netflix.

Previously – Felicity