I Knew I Didn't Like You Before I Even Met You

I have gone back and forth between almost writing this article, and then deciding not to write this article, like five times. I almost decided not to write it because 1) These events came to an end as of like, one day ago 2) These events took place with a really real person who I’m sure will find this, realize it’s about her, and feel sad feelings because of it.

In the end, however, I decided to go ahead and write about these things anyway.

One day I received a message from a lady on OkCupid that said something like “you have beautiful hair.” I remember reading this and thinking it was a funny thing to say. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if a person is funny or if they’re maybe a little bit retarded. I concluded that this person was funny. I looked at her profile pictures and couldn’t quite tell if she was attractive or not. She had blue eyes, long hair, and a nicely shaped face, so I decided she was. She had a few random “funny” things on her profile, one of which mentioned that she had a cat. I don’t think it’s funny when people talk about having cats.

The day after this person’s first message to me on OkCupid, I woke up to find she had sent me a friend request on Facebook. I remember seeing the friend request in my inbox and thinking “whoa.”

We started exchanging messages on Facebook about normal things like the TV show Roseanne, various bands we liked, and things we liked to do. I started thinking things like “maybe I’ll have sex with this person.” I found myself actively trying to not focus on my rising excitement over the fact that she has a car. I would very much like to be close to someone who has a car so that I can get to the places where I want to go. After a few days of messaging, she mentioned that she would give me rides anytime I wanted and I thought “yay!”

At some point, however, I began noticing that she seemed to be drunk a lot and I thought “I’m going to stop talking to this person” for the first time.

After another day or so, I was not yet feeling the need to hang out/meet in person, but she suggested that we hang out, so I invited her to drive an hour to my town to have pizza and drinks. I took the day off of work, but the morning of the day she was supposed to visit I woke up with a migraine and vomited until 4 PM. I told her not to come and then she got really drunk and texted me all day. I was happy to have taken the day off of work. I showered that day at around 4:30 and at around 5 I walked down the street to McDonald’s and got a cheeseburger with no onions, a small fry, and a snack sized M&M McFlurry. I ate all of those things while sitting on the couch and watching the first disc of season three of True Blood. I texted the girl and told her that I’m “not one of those flakey girls.” But I am.

The next day I went to work and learned that there was going to be a carnival coming to town over the weekend. I texted the girl and said she should come over on Sunday and we could go. I kept calling the carnival a “townie fair” and concluded, after a few times of calling it that, that she didn’t know what I meant, or at least didn’t quite “get it” like how I meant it. She said she was going to bring me a case of Coke that she was given at work and I remember that this made me feel a little sick to my stomach. I thought about the case of Coke for a long time and decided that I wanted it.

Another day or so went by and I started only replying to every 5th text that the girl sent me. I had concluded that I didn’t want to sleep with her, and since I didn’t want to sleep with her there was no point in hanging out/meeting in person. This all came to a head while I was home from work one evening watching Reality Bites on Netflix Instant with headphones on. I mentioned to the girl that I was watching this film, and she must have started watching it too because she began quoting lines from it to me. She said something to me via text and I replied with “get a grip” because I thought it was a funny thing to say. She didn’t understand what this meant and wrote “what does ‘get a grip’ mean to you?” I read this and felt angry, and also sick to my stomach. I put the phone face down on the carpet and finished watching the movie. I remember thinking something like “I used to really, really like Winona Ryder when I was a teenager.”

At some point I texted this girl and told her “this doesn’t feel right.” She replied, “explain yourself, I’m mad,” and I told everyone I know about it.

KELLY MCCLURE