Jim Mora Is an Insane Maniac, Just Like His Dad

By Nathan Simpson

On Tuesday, when the Western world was focused on the results of the electoral college (not me: Vegas had Obama as a -400 favorite on Monday, so I figured it was a done deal and watched the Raptors not cover the goddamn spread), Jim Lawrence Mora, head coach of the UCLA football Bruins, was focused on getting even with the internet. And by "getting even," I mean that he went nuts. Papa Bear Mora was sent into a frenzy by what he deemed as an off-color remark made by someone heartlessly impersonating freshman defensive back Randall Goforth by way of a fake Twitter account (yeah, someone decided it would be fun and worthwhile to pretend to be a freshman college football player). Here is the tweet posted by @RandallG3000 directed toward USC wideout Robert Woods: 

As far as the internet goes, this is as G-rated as it gets. Any sane individual would quickly come to realize that no harm was done, and that fake accounts are just something that happens on Twitter. But Mora is not a sane individual. He comes from crazy stock: His father, Jim Sr., boasts a 15-year head coaching career in the NFL, but the only thing anyone remembers about him is his post-game rants, most notably his oft-satirized “playoffs” speech.

So what was Jim Jr. supposed to do when confronted by something he saw on his computer? Shrug the joke off with a laugh? Ignore it? Does Jim Mora look like a bitch? Fuck no. JAMES LAWRENCE MORA DOESN’T ROLL LIKE THAT!  He’s out for blood. How dare someone be so irresponsible as to use a social media platform to anonymously post generic sports-related comments regarding his team? 

Following practice on Tuesday, Mora sought out the media to set the record straight. After all, these players are his kids and “when someone attacks your kids, you get angry.” I would really hate (read: love) to see what he would do to someone who did actual harm to one of his actual children, since he apparently believes that some guy who dared to joke around about college football on the internet is a "scumbag" who "ought to go to jail." He also challenged the person responsible for the tweet to come out to Bruins practice and, I don’t know, I guess, fight him? Mora was so incensed that he was inspired to wake up out of a three-month Twitter coma (via his verified account, @UCLACoachMora), just to let everyone know that these egregious comments weren’t coming from one of his players, but some sort of internet criminal mastermind. 

We have to ask an important question: Is Mora really in the wrong here? He’s just standing up for his guy, right? Haha, just kidding, he is an insane person. Calling the imitation Goforth account “the lowest form of life-form” (sic) is a gross, poorly worded overreaction. To be fair, Mora did admit Thursday that he went a little overboard, and that he no longer believed that it was necessary for the culprit to land in jail or get physically beaten up. "I'm good for something stupid said every once in a while, as we all know," Mora said. Yeah Jim, we know.

@ChillParcells

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