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      Obama Governs Like Bush on Reproductive Rights

      May 13, 2013
      From the column 'Dogmageddon'


      Photo via

      Man, Republicans sure are the worst, right? Here's a good “for instance”:

      Back in 2011, the FDA recommended that the government allow women of all ages to have access to Plan B, the so-called morning-after pill. What would be the point in caring about a woman's age when she needs emergency contraception? was the FDA's thought. If an 18-year-old needs it, or a 14-year-old, or a 13-year-old, what's the difference? In fact, if a younger girl needs it, it's probably more important. But, instead, the Republicans got together and decided to overturn the recommendation, restricting the availability of Plan B only to women at least 15 years old—and with a photo ID to prove it. While the official excuse by the Republicans for introducing this arbitrary age limit was that there were “concerns about the drug's impact on young girls,” everyone knew it was simply a way to appease their religious-minded, socially conservative voting base, an attempt to show that they're actually trying to keep the country from becoming one big cesspool of sex-craved kids fucking on piles of dead fetuses. And, hey, if a few young girls have to pay for their slutty ways by being forced to carry their mistake-babies to term, well, that's the way He would have wanted it anyway. 

      Now go back into the previous paragraph and replace any references to “Republicans” with “the Obama administration,” because that's what really happened. 

      Last week, District Judge Edward Korman went on quite a tirade against the Obama administration for pulling this age-limit-restriction bullshit in regards to Plan B. “You’re disadvantaging young people, African Americans, the poor. That’s the policy of the Obama administration?” he asked. “It turns out that the same policies that President Bush followed were followed by President Obama. You're basically lying,” he scolded. And rightfully so. This is the kind of move we've come to expect from the red-staters, the Bible-thumpers, the Bush-Cheneys, the gun-toters, and the tobacco-chewers. But not from our progressive president.

      Which is to say, Republicans are bad. But when it comes to reproductive rights, Democrats don't have their shit together either.

      Oh, and happy Mother's Day.

      Onto the roundup!

      - An Afghanistan-born prisoner in Guantanamo Bay gave the LA Times an account of the conditions in the prison that led to the widespread hunger strike.

      - A gay couple has been arrested in Zambia after relatives of the men tipped off police about their relationship. Zambia, you see, is one of those ass-backward countries like Uganda in regards to gay rights, where “sodomy” and “having sex against the order of nature” is against the law.

      - A pastor in Texas got himself busted for trying to use his priest-ey leverage to get underage girls to take off their clothes.

      - Stephen Hawking, one of the smartest men in the world, has decided to withdraw from an academic conference in Israel because he's supporting an “academic boycott of the country” due to their continuing morally-iffy treatment of Palestine. Noam Chomsky, evidently, was behind the group that caused this to happen.

      - Tim Lambesis, the lead singer of the Christian heavy metal band As I Lay Dying, went to go hire a hitman to kill his estranged wife and ended up hiring an undercover police officer instead. Oops.

      - Michelle Bachmann, an actual United States Representative who has been elected by actual people in the real state of Minnesota, told a prayer group of conservatives that 9/11, the seige of the US embassy in Benghazi, and what's going in Libya are judgements from God. Her answer to stopping these attacks, it should be noted, is “humbling ourselves before an almighty God.” This is a person who a large amount of people thought could actually become the next President, it should also be noted.

      - Islamist sect Boko Harem was behind a prison raid if the Nigerian city of Bama, freeing at least 105 prisoners while killing at least 55.

      - The Catholic League has taken a stance on David Bowie's new music video for his song “The Next Day,” and has determined that “it is a mess.” Speaking of the Catholics, a group of gay and allied Catholics tried to get into St. Patrick's Cathedral in NYC with dirty hands—in response to Cardinal Dolan's mention that gay Catholics have 'em—but were refused entry by police.

      - In Pakistan, a suicide car bombing attack left one policeman and two civilians dead. Later in the week, gunman abducted the son of former Pakistani Prime Minister Yousef Raza Gilani during an election rally. During the election, in fact, the Taliban attacked polling stations and killed at least 24, but millions of people still voted undeterred.

      - In Mogadishu, a series of attacks by al-Qaeda linked militants, including a bombing outside of a courthouse followed by a raid of gunmen, left at least 19 dead.

      - Commenting on the Boston Marathon bombings, King of Bahrain Hamid Bin Eisa Al Khalifa said that “terrorism has no religion.” Which is certainly true. It has them all.

      - Rainn Wilson, that guy from The Office, is going to spend his post-TV years preaching about his Baha'i faith. So, get ready to stop following his Twitter account.

      And Our Person of the Week: Martha Mullen, who is a Christian woman, coordinated the burial for Boston Marathon bomber Tamerlan Tsarnaev after a whole bunch of other funeral homes and graveyards refused to accept his body. “It portrayed America at its worst,” she said about the refusals and protests, “Jesus says, love our enemies.” She's right, you know. Everyone who has this bullshit “my religion is better than your religion” attitude should take some cues from her.

      Previously - "Coexist" Bumper Stickers Are Actually Intolerant

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