What Sort of Person Wants to Bone You?
I don't know what it is exactly, but east Asian girls find me hot. Maybe the color of my hair is a novelty in that part of the world? Maybe it's that my unreserved, Western brashness is exotic to them? Who knows? All I know is that, for whatever reason, they dig me.
You know what I'm saying, right? What kind of person finds you attractive?
Paul, 46, Southend: Oh, I wouldn’t know, I’ve been with my girlfriend since I was 17, so it’s difficult to tell really.
You must know what kind of girl tends to go for you?
I’ve never really thought about it, it’s been so long since I’ve had to think about something like that, I imagine it would be girls at indie bars or rock bars! I honestly couldn’t tell you because I haven’t thought about it for so long.
OK, so the average girl that finds you attractive—how attractive do you think they'd be, on a scale of one to ten?
That’s a very weird question. I dunno, I suppose it could go anywhere from a four up to a six or a seven.
So no tens, then?
I wouldn’t have thought so, no. I’m too old for a ten.
Lisa, 30, Chingford: A bit of a mixture, really. I’d like to think trendy East London guys. I dunno! Fun guys!
What sort of age range are we talking?
My sort of age, about 30, or in their late 20s.
So you don’t meet any teenage Casanovas on your travels?
Some, haha! They try it on with everyone though, don’t they?
Do any particular class or race tend to go for you over others? Or guys that dress in a certain way?
Skinny jeans! Haha, it’s a bit of a mixture again really, to be honest. I don’t get many posh guys, though. No City bankers.
Not really my thing. I don’t really drink 'round those sorts of areas, either.
How would you rate the people who tend to fancy you out of ten?
I’d say a seven… But I’m definitely being too kind.
Matt, Essex, 40: Oh god, I don’t know. People with a bit of fun, a bit of adventure, maybe?
So when you go out to a bar, what kind of girls seem interested in you?
Between the ages of 25 and 40, I guess.
What about girls from other countries? Do they ever shine any interest your way?
I like either Eastern European girls or Latinas.
Do they return your interest?
More so than English chicks, definitely.
What about the style of clothing they wear?
You aren’t trying to make me sound big-headed, are you?
Not at all.
Feminine with heels and tight clothes, you know.
So you don’t get many goths?
No. Not that I’ve got anything against them. Nothing wrong with a bit of eyeliner.
So you prefer a more mature woman?
Do you ever get chatted up by any men when you go out?
I definitely get a few looks. Don’t know if any of them have ever come to try and chat me up, though.
How would you rate the average girl that shows interest in you out of ten?
Oh fuck, this is going to make me sound dreadful, isn’t it?
No, no. Come on now, be honest.
Hot girls, of course! We’re gonna go quite high, at least an eight. Well, I do get a few tens, too.
Every woman is a ten inside, my friend.
John, 73, London: Well, I’m gay. But I’m an old man now, sonny. No one tends to find me attractive these days.
Do you not meet new people often?
I run a volunteers charity to help young people.
Surely you must have met a few nice boys in your time?
Oh yes, I have! But as I said, I’m 73, I don’t get much of that any more. I also come from a very different time, everyone was so closeted back then. Its not the same any more. I started off my life as a child actor.
I’m sure you've seen a few things in your time.
I certainly have.
Is there any particular style or class of guy that tends, or tended, to go for you?
It has varied really. I am a very open person and make friends very easily. Most of my friends are women. I am very easygoing.
Jack, 22, Chelmsford: Usually the very drunk ones. I dunno, all sorts mate, all sorts!
Any particular age group, ethnicity or class?
Not really, to be honest. Under 30s I suppose? That’s it, really.
So you don’t get many posh French women coming on to you?
None like that. Just outgoing birds really, girls that like to go out a lot.
Is there any particular style of girl that tends to prefer you? How do they dress?
Usually, to be fair, they look very, very nice. Tasty birds.
So you've never been intimate with an anarcho-punk, for example?
Nah, nothing like that. I like good-looking girls.
Not a fan of alternative women?
Wouldn’t wanna say that. Not my cup of tea, put it that way.
How would you rate the average woman that tends to find you attractive out of ten?
Between five and a strong eight, I suppose.
Ever get any men trying to chat you up?
I’ve had it a couple of times. I usually just take a drink off ‘em and say "Thank you very much mate!"
Ella, 20, London: I don’t really think there is one particular type. I think I'm a bit of a weirdo magnet, to be honest with you. Mainly strange guys try and chat me up.
What do you mean by "strange guys"?
I don’t quite know how to put it. But it's not generally the kind of attention that I would reciprocate.
What kind of style are we talking about?
It kind of varies depending on where I go, but what's a common trait is that I'm not into them.
What sort of age group are we talking here? Or class?
Twenty-five to 35. It's quite a variety, really. But it's more posh guys too. I only go out in London.
So you don’t get many 55-year-old crusty hippies trying to chat you up?
Errrm, no, I think the fact I look about 12 puts them off. They don’t want to be a paedophile!
Do you ever get any girls hitting on you?
I don’t, no. I’m almost offended that it never happens.
How would you rate the guys who dig you out of ten?
On average, between four and eight, with the odd ten. But it varies a lot.
Fancy going for a drink?
No, I have a boyfriend.
Worth a shot.
Previously - How Would You Like to Die?
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