Every boy has given himself a mangina at least once. In the locker room, at summer camp, in front of the full-length mirror in your parents’ bedroom when you thought they’d already left for the store—whatever the setting, the urge to hide your junk between your legs, leaving only a soft tuft of pubes in view, is universal and ineluctable. It’s a healthy practice that yields great pictures, but for some men, the thrill of not having a dick never ends. And for transsexuals and drag queens, whose job it is to not have a dick, tucking is less a boyhood larf than an essential trick of the trade.
Since luscious, heterosexuality-challenging trannies are Brazil’s third-largest export (after Havaianas and Seu Jorge), we felt the burden was on us to explore the technical minutiae of this beloved national institution. So with help from our favorite queen, Lohren Beauty, we present a step-by-step guide on how to hide your hose.
PENIS PREPARATION: A hairless mangine is many things—aesthetically pleasing, hygienic, and easy to maneuver. So wax or shave as much as possible, from your belly button to the start of your spine, being sure to hit the dick, balls, asshole, and gooch. A word of warning, though: Avoid using adhesive tape if you’re freshly shaven because it’s easy to end up with a crotch rash that could be mistaken for the clap.
The next step is to hide your balls. This is essential for all methods of dick tucking, so it’s important to get your technique nailed down. Stretch your wang forward as far as you can and gingerly push your testicles up one at a time, back into that cavity where they were hiding before puberty. This usually isn’t painful, so if you feel like you’re about to barf while fainting, you’re doing something wrong. A tip: This is easiest to do while lying on your back, delicately finessing your testes like a pair of Chinese meditation balls until they sloonk right up in. Getting into a bathtub full of cold water immediately beforehand can also help. Now you’re ready for the most important step: hiding your tube steak. Depending on your size and preference, there are three ways to do this, which have been passed down from tranny fathers to ladyboy sons for generations. We’ve summarized them below.
METHOD 1: BASIC TUCK
Necessary material: a thong two sizes too small
Recommended dick size: longer than six inches
This is the half-Windsor knot of penis tucking, i.e., the one novices should master before moving on to other methods. First, stretch your schlong forward and then down, join it with your balls, and pull both of them back between your legs, toward your butt. Tug it as hard as you can; the tighter it gets, the more even and beautiful your fake pussy will appear. Next, put on some panties. They’re the secret to keeping your dick in the right position (and also to being a classy woman). We recommend Lycra underwear, which isn’t super-pretty but combines comfort and flexibility. If you must use lace panties, we recommend wearing a pair of skin-colored Lycra tights underneath. One drawback to consider: If you get an erection, your “pussy” will expand, and it may look like you’re wearing a soaked maxi pad. Gross.
METHOD 2: TAPING
Necessary material: adhesive tape
Recommended dick size: nonspecific, you just need to have one
First off—do NOT use Scotch tape. It’ll slide off your junk the minute you start sweating. Stay away from duct tape, too—unless you want to rip your dick off. Parcel tape seems to work well, the wider the better. Once you’ve got the tape ready, pull your dong out and wrap it from base to tip. Without cutting the tape, pull it down and back so that it runs between your nuts and through your ass crack. Tape your package around the right side of your hips. Make one more pass around your left hip, then run it over your unit again, and finally cut the tape so it sticks right at the tip of your coccyx. If you’re sweating, pat it dry. Then put on some panties and do a little dance.
Variation 1: Wrap your shaft with tape but leave the tip uncovered. Your fake pussy will be a little bit bigger, but you can now pee sitting down—a major plus for drunken queens!
Variation 2: Skip the step where you wrap the tape around your hips (because there will be nothing there to cover it) and instead double it up across your tailbone. This is a trick used by transvestites who dance the samba and drag queens who prefer to perform in a cache-sexe. It’ll keep them guessing all night.
METHOD 3: THE JAPANESE
Necessary material: adhesive tape and superglue
Recommended dick size: Japanese and uncut
Even among the most enlightened circles of queens and pre-oppers, this technique is still spoken of in hushed whispers. No one we know has ever met someone who’s done it, only a guy who knows some people who met a man who heard about it once.
This method only works with smaller salamis. It’s actually one of the rare cases where having a big cock is a bummer, because, if you do, the final result will be an asshole that shits and pees. First—before you’ve undropped your balls—tie your foreskin closed with some sort of tape or string. Try to cover as much of the tip as possible, so that it resembles a dehydrated jasmine flower. (Note: Don’t tie it so tight that liquid won’t be able to pass through.) When it’s done, hide your nuts as usual, pull your dick down and back as described in the previous methods, and then discreetly tape it starting from the tip, as tight as possible, all the way to your butt crack.
Here’s where the famed Japanese ingenuity comes into play: With your dick tight between your legs and just a bit of foreskin hanging out, grab loose bits of scrotum on either side of the penis using your fingers as pincers. The objective here is to wrap the whole shaft with that skin, which, if you do it right, will look like the outer labia of a vagina. Glue the whole mess together with superglue (we’re serious) and, to make extra-double-sure it’s not going to open up and ruin your fun, put tape on top of the whole enchilada. Once you’ve got the front ready, use a larger piece of tape to cover your entire taint. In Japan they have specific adhesive tape made for this very purpose (obviously), but if it’s unavailable in your town you can stick with clear packing tape. Finally, pinch a hole on the part of the tape that goes over the foreskin, leaving the leftovers outside the package so you can pee freely. Congratulations, man. You now have the prettiest pussy of all!
Photos By Bobby Doherty