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Rubbing One Out with a Roommate
Feb 17 2013
I’m broke and I live in New York City, so having no privacy or personal space comes with the territory. But getting sneezed on by a bum or having some dude’s boner involuntarily pressed against my lower back at peak hour on the subway wouldn’t be so bad if I could go home and walk around naked and just sing whatever stupid Rob Thomas song I pretend not to like publicly, free of the shameful knowledge that someone else can hear me. But I can’t because I live with a sanded down piece of plywood between me and my roommate. My walls are so thin, sometimes I wonder if I couldn’t punch my way through them—and I’m a girl who can’t even do one push up on my knees without buckling. But being forced to live so close with my roommate becomes a serious pain in the pussy when it's time to get my rocks off.
Living with someone else in such close quarters means three things: You are going to smell their shit on a regular basis, at some point you will see one of their pubes in the tub, and you are most definitely going to hear them having sex. (Especially if your roommate is me and enjoys “vocal” fucking.)
It doesn’t bother me when other people hear me having sex. In fact, there’s a part of me that likes it. It’s probably the same part of me that doesn’t mind pooping in public toilets and aims right for the center of the bowl to cause the loudest splash possible and make anyone else in the adjoining cubicles really, really uncomfortable and grossed out. But despite my brazen exhibitionism in those situations, I feel uncomfortable masturbating when anyone else is home.
I worry that my roommate will hear the buzzing of the vibrator, the moaning sounds of the weird lesbian porn I like to watch, and eventually my own excited grunting. If I were to walk out of my room with a dude after having sex to see my roommate there, knowing that they heard everything, I wouldn’t be embarrassed at all. Why then, am I so embarrassed to be heard pleasuring myself?
Maybe it’s just the stigma attached to female masturbation. It’s not really something you’re brought up to discuss openly, even in sex ed (at least I wasn’t). And I can’t think of any teen movies where a girl is caught having a maz and hilarious shenanigans ensue, but there are plenty where dudes are pictured shamelessly self-completing. Or maybe I’m just more of a prude than I think I am.
I’ve tried a few different things to streamline the process, for instance, turning off the sound of porn (which makes it way less sexy), wearing headphones (which negates my ability to tell how loud I’m being myself), and abstaining (haha LOL, never works). Masturbating when your roommate around is hard. Especially because sometimes they’re the only thing between you and the sink where you need to wash your dildo when you’re done.
This is a serious issue I will struggle with until I have enough money to live on my own, at which point I will use my liberation to masturbate all over the house, butt naked. In the meantime, all suggestions are welcome.
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