Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'N' Roll - SSRI Sex, Edibles, and DRGN King

SEX – SEX AND SSRIS

“Where do you see yourself in five years?” my psychiatrist asked me, as I sat across from him in his Washington Square Park office, likely decorated by his wife. Or perhaps he's not married, and just wears that ring to keep away sexual advances from the crazies. He's quite attractive in a calming, yoga-master sort of way. At the time I rambled about my career and maybe a baby and most certainly a dog, but in retrospect I should have mentioned that I'd like to be non-reliant on medication for my anxiety disorder. Ideally, one day I could manage my anxiety exclusively through yoga, meditative breathing and the anti-depressant qualities of semen.

I've spent the past five years on and off various SSRIs. (SSRI stands for selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors, a primary medication for depression and anxiety. Some common brand names include Lexapro, Zoloft, and Celexa.) My personal beef with the drugs is that for some (me) 10mg of Lexapro is chemical castration. Like a cruel child kicking over a row of dominos, often SSRIs knock away one problem (anxiety or depression) only to tip another into motion, like sexual disfunction. While on it I experienced less anxiety, but my vagina became comfortably numb. My partner lost his sex nymph of a girlfriend for someone who would prefer to stay in and watch TV marathons opposed to the oral sex marathons we once enjoyed. It got to the point where I decided I'd rather trade more anxiety for more orgasms and stopped taking Lexapro.

Now let me make this quite clear, I'm no Tom Cruise: I love my psychiatrist, still take certain meds, and am all for the use of SSRIs when needed. The sexual side effects vary from person to person, to quote Rob Delaney's must-read personal essay on depression, thanks to Lexapro “I ate again, slept again, got boners when I encountered attractive women, and made normal number twos when I went to the bathroom.”

So that's the good news, if you're debating going on a SSRI, your sex drive could stay as high as David Duchovny's, or even reincarnate from the underworld of depression. If you're on an anti-depressant and it's rendering you boner-less to a breaking point, the other good news is there's more than one brand on the market, and you're likely to have a different reaction to a different medication. I know it sucks, but you might have to experiment and try a few things until you find what works for you. And to the lovers of the medicated: Your role is to stay supportive and patient. If you really love us, stick by our side while we work out our issues and pills. Chances are our libido will return to normal eventually, and in the meantime, introducing more porn into the bedroom never hurts.

DRUGS – MAKE YOUR OWN EDIBLES

During my hippie years at a music festival, I woke up one morning feeling responsible. “Nah, I'm staying away from LSD, and molly, and blow. Nothing but marijuana and beer for me!” I proudly announced to my companions. As I cracked open a lukewarm Bud Light pulled from a mud-splattered cooler, a West Virginia hippie couple wrapped in hemp and bathed in patchouli oil meandered through our camp site selling weed brownies. Well, that sounded both scrumptious and safe, as I had eaten plenty of edibles in the past and brownies are delicious, so I threw em' a fiver and had one for breakfast. Kids, let me share with you an important lesson I learned that day: Do not take edibles from strangers. I repeat: DO. NOT. TAKE. EDIBLES. FROM. STRANGERS. Especially at festivals! Especially from folks who don't believe in toothbrushes.

The biggest danger of buying edibles from strangers is that you'll get ripped off. Or this could happen.

Maybe this brownie was made with five times the marijuana that was 10 times stronger than the shit I used at school. Or perhaps it had some secret magical ingredient. All I know is that I've been more sober on three and a half tabs of acid than after I ate that brownie. (Dearest VICE readers, feel free to chime in on my low tolerance/ignorance/stupidity/or possibly brownie ingredients in the comment section.) I could not walk. I hid in my tent and moved from dreams to reality and had an orgasm without even touching myself. When I finally got out of the tent and started wandering, I recognized a brand of tent that was the same kind used at the yoga teacher training school I once attended, and was convinced everyone from my Mexican yoga school was at this same music festival. The worst part was I ran into my ex-boyfriend's brother, but I wasn't sure if it actually was him or a hallucination and proceeded to have the most bizarre conversation of my life (turns out it actually was him, small world). When I made it to the stage and found my friends, I curled up on the ground and was convinced the festival security were coming to arrest me. Paranoia! Paranoia! I don't want to sound anti-marijuana, because I'm quite the opposite, but if you're going the edible route make it yourself or get it from friends, not an evil wizard couple from West Virginia.

Here is a recipe from 420Magazine.com on how to make your own weed butter, which then you can use for anything, not just sweets! (I date a diabetic and am always sensitive to their peoples' needs). However, a vaporizer-loving scientist friend of mine advocates using alcohol and says:

“THC is fat and alcohol but not water soluble. Alcohol is better at extracting it than fat is, apparently. If it's from vaporizer leftovers, you just grind 'em. If you're using raw product, you need to toast them on low heat first then grind 'em. Add the ground shit to a VERY low simmer of butter, olive oil, a shot of vodka, and water (adding a little more vodka every hour or so since the alcohol evaporates). After a few hours, strain the funk out of the mixture, put it in the fridge, and the butter will separate and solidify. Then you throw away the water and BOOM weedy oil”

Thanks, stoner-nerd!

ROCK 'N' ROLL – DRGN KING

Ugh, you musicians. I'm sorry to rant about this so much but if you keep spelling your band name with unnecessary punctuation, capitalization, abbreviation and lack of vowels you're going to trigger my OCD and I'm going to have to go back on Lexapro. But I forgive ye, Lord Dragon Kings!

Coming to us from Philadelphia, DRGN KING stars the core duo songwriter Dominic Angelella and producer Ritz Reynolds, and has evolved to become “a quartet with many special guests.” If I ever again find myself curled up in a tent up in the mountains so stoned I'm having uncontrollable orgasms, I want Dominic and Ritz in there with me. Fuck my clam, a MMF threesome is such a hot unfulfilled fantasy of mine. I bet they would take good care of me too, stroke my hair and tell me just to roll with it, that it's all going to be okay. The rock 'n' roll section of this column always seems to morph into me detailing sexual fantasies about the musicians rather than describing their music, but you know what…GOOD! Trying to put a label on a band can be as exhausting as putting a label on sexuality, and in my opinion musician-inspired sexual fantasies are far more creative than comparing bands to other bands.

And also, DRGN KING sounds exactly like what smelly stoned group sex would sound like. It's messy, it's silly. It's certainly different, but not scary different, awesome different. A hip-hop producer who has worked for the Roots paired with some art grunge and a music video featuring sequined capes? Bring that shit on.

DRGN KING's album Paragraph Nights comes out on January 22ndon Bar None Records. Watch the video for the single “Holy Ghost” below.

@TheBowieCat