©2014 VICE Media LLC

    The VICE Channels

      The World’s Biggest Beatles Fan

      February 8, 2013
      From the column 'Meet the Nieratkos'

      My wife’s retarded uncle, Lonnie, barely speaks, but if you put on a Beatles song he’ll sing all the words. Doesn’t matter what song—he knows them all. Recognizing his Beatle love, the family makes it a point to buy him Fab Four collectibles for his birthday and Christmas. He has tons and tons of memorabilia: books, T-shirts, dolls, records, mugs, photo prints, bobbleheads, and so on and so on.

      What he does not have, however, is a Beatles tattoo on his butthole. (All tattoo artists should be thankful for that because Lonnie doesn’t know how to wipe. Thankfully over the years he’s taken to showering after every poop. Before he started doing that though… it was a bad scene.)

      I “review” records for my friend, Joanna Angel’s website, BurningAngel.com, much the same way I “review” porn for VICE. Recently I was on her site and was floored by a gal named Zarrah Angel and her tattoo. It’s rare that I get excited about a tattoo. Maybe at the turn of the century I’d have been more inclined to give a second look, but in 2013 I’ve seen enough anchors, skulls, and sacred hearts to get a cat through his nine lifetimes. Yet Zarrah’s tattoo caught my eye, or rather, her butthole caught my eye, and I happened to notice the words “Let It Be” tattooed just above it.

      Man! She loves the Beatles even more than Lonnie, I thought. I had to interview the blossoming new porn starlet/cam gal and ask her about the long and winding road that leads to getting your butthole tattooed. I flew out to LA days after her first double big scene so we could debate for hours who was better: Lennon or McCartney. Sadly, the conversation was rather brief.

      *Click here for a very NSFW gallery on Burningangel.com with pictures of Zarrah's butthole.

      VICE: When did you get into the Beatles?
      Zarrah:
      I’m not really even that into the Beatles. This tattoo was just a funny idea. It didn’t have anything to do with the Beatles.

      You have “Let It Be” tattooed on your butthole and you’re not into the Beatles???
      I’m not against the Beatles, I know a bunch of their songs, but I’m not a huge fan.

      Then why did you get “Let It Be” tattooed on your butthole? Are you not into anal sex?
      No, I’m into anal sex, definitely. I got it because we got drunk and it was just a really funny idea and my friend said he’d do it for free. I sat on it for a couple days and was finally like, “Man, I’m gonna get a butthole tattoo that says “Let It Be” with a bumblebee flying out!”

      You didn’t spell it like a bumblebee. Why?
      I don’t know. It’s funny. It’s cool. I like it. It’s unique.

      But, but, but—
      You sound like you’re disappointed that I’m not a Beatles fan and there’s no huge meaning behind it.

      I thought you were the world’s biggest Beatles fan!
      I’m totally not!

      If you were a big Rolling Stones fan would you have gotten “Let It Bleed”?
      No, I would have gotten the Rolling Stones tongue.

      Does your butthole ever bleed?
      No. Not that I know of. My vagina bleeds.

      The other day you had your first double anal—no bleeding?
      No, I was scared too. I was like, “Is this healthy? Is this right? Should I be doing this?” But Joanna Angel said it was OK so it was OK. I was just doing my best impression of Joanna, that’s all. In my head I was like, “Hi. I’m Joanna and I’m a slut.” And it worked.

      Do your mom and dad know you have “Let It Be” tattooed on your butthole?
      I don’t know. I know my mom knows I have a butthole tattoo but I don’t know if she knows what it is.

      How does she know? Has she seen it?
      I told her. I just said I had a butthole tattoo. I don’t have a filter and sometimes I say things I shouldn’t say.

      Didn’t she also accidentally find out you’re in porn?
      Yeah. I left a Burning Angel contract in our scanner and I came home and she asked me about it.

      So what did it feel like to get your butthole tattooed?
      It hurt really bad. It’s the most painful tattoo ever, but it was quick so it wasn’t that terrible. It hurt a lot in the crack. Once it went onto my ass cheek it wasn’t that bad.

      Technically, it’s not really on your butthole. It’s an inch above your butthole.
      Yeah, it’s my butt crack above my butthole.

      Why didn’t you get your actual butthole tattooed if you were going for effect?
      Because it looked good right there. I honestly couldn’t tell where they were tattooing it. I thought it was closer to the butthole, but it’s still cool.

      I saw one butthole tattoo on the actual butthole that said LOVE STINKS.
      Yeah, I’ve seen a chick that has BUTT SLUT on her butthole and it goes onto her girls’ gouch, like that piece between the vagina and butthole. But I’m the original butthole tattoo girl. I did it before it was cool. There’s a viral video of this other chick with a butthole tattoo and she’s super-cracked out or real drunk. She seems real off. She made it look really bad. She made it look really trashy. I think it says her boyfriend’s name and she got it done at a tattoo convention all sloshed in front of tons of people and she was acting like an idiot. That chick makes butthole tattoos look really bad.

      I think it fades if you get the actual butthole done because the butthole is used so much.
      Yeah, so I got it on a good place. I did that on purpose.

      Yeah, it’ll last forever so you can show your kids one day.
      It’s actually a very vivid tattoo still after three years. It’s in there pretty good.

      Do you get people who just want to be your friend because you have a butthole tattoo?
      Probably. I have people who want to be my friend because I’m so awesome. A lot of people want to be my friend because I do porn.

      You also do cam shows. How much would it cost to pay you to listen to the Beatles while you play with your butthole?
      If you’re paying me, I’m down.

      How much? The song “Let It Be” is four minutes and three seconds long. How much would you charge for a four-minute cam show?
      Man, for you I’d probably do it for $50 and I’d charge everyone else $100. Which is kind of a lot for just four minutes of butthole play, but it’s a tough life when you have a butthole tattoo because everyone wants to see it. I show it at bars all the time for free drinks. I’ll be really drunk with my friends who are really obnoxious and say, “Yeah, she’s a porn star and she has a butthole tattoo!” Then everyone gets curious and I don’t care so I show my butthole tattoo.

      Ever pull it out at weddings?
      No, never been to a wedding.

      Bat mitzvah?
      Never been to a bat mitzvah.

      A retirement party?
      Does my grandma’s house count? Is that weird?

      You showed your grandma?
      No! My grandma doesn’t even know I have an upside down cross on my chest. She would probably have a heart attack and die. She’s super Christian. She’s always handing me Bible pamphlets.

      Is that why you got it? To be a rebel?
      No. I was 18 and thought I was so metal with a big upside down cross on my chest. I cannot wait to do something with it and make it pretty so I can wear nice shirts and not get mean-mugged by 80-year-olds. But I’m keeping my butthole tattoo forever. That tattoo is awesome. That tattoo is still going to look awesome when I’m 80, when my butthole has 15 hemorrhoids.

      For more Zarrah photos go to her Burning Angel page.

      Or you can book her for private Cam shows to see her tattoo in all its glory on Twitter.

      More stupid can be found at Chrisnieratko.com or twitter.com/Nieratko

      -

      Topics: Joanna Angel, Zarrah Angel, chris nieratko, porn, buttholes, The Beatles, tattoos, tattooing songs on your butthole

      Comments

      Are you over 18?

      The stuff you're trying to look at is considered "naughty" by busybodies, legal types, and (probably) your mom, so we'd like to make sure you're of legal age before we let you see it.