Photo by Nate Miller
There’s one question I get asked more than any other on a daily basis. That question is, of course, “Where can I find all the most racist stuff on the internet?” I have no clue why people feel compelled to approach me regarding this topic. Perhaps I have a racist face.
You be the judge.
In the interest of answering the above burning question, I have compiled all the most galling, depressing, exhausting cases of racism, either overt or covert, that I have come across in the last seven days. I will be rating each of these cases on a scale of 1 to RACIST. With “1” being the least racist, and “racist” being the most racist.
Oklahoma State Representative Dennis Johnson (R) was caught on tape saying that sometimes his customers try to "Jew me down on a price." He went on to claim that this was OK with him because "that's free market." When confronted about the matter, Johnson laughed and apolgized to "the Jews," because they are, in his words, "good small businessmen as well." Somehow, he just traded one stereotype for a slightly less offensive stereotype. RACIST
The Southern Poverty Law Center reported recently that two known white supremacists in Tennessee were arrested and one other is being sought in connection with the murder of a volunteer firefighter who was also a white supremacist. Apparently, this was an organizational squabble related to the power structure of the white-supremacy movement. Hopefully, this murder solved their dispute and they can move their meeting on to new business. If the United States Congress engaged in a similar sort of cage-match bloodsport to solve the filibuster issue, perhaps America could make some progress. Harry Reid with a giant axe would bring new meaning to the word cloture. RACIST
A Boston man was beaten in front of an Applebee’s in the Bronx for “being Arab.” He was, in fact, not beaten up for having horrible taste in food. Also, I should mention the victim was from Bangladesh, which is not an Arab country. Of course, this is America, a “punch first, ask questions later” kind of country. RACIST
Speaking of, there was this:
I, for one, am glad that everyone has a voice thanks to the internet, even when that voice is the voice of a drooling maniac. Thanks, internet!
Fox News correspondent, Erik Rush, the douchebag responsible for the above, has of course come out and claimed that his tweet was “sarcasm.” Listen, I know sarcasm. My only tattoo is just the words “sarcastic tattoo” across my right butt cheek. It’s also backwards so that I can read it in the mirror. That’s how meta I am. You, Erik Rush, are not being sarcastic.
While ostensibly saying that we all “overreacted” to his inane tweet, Rush claimed on WorldNetDaily that liberalism is akin to “stage 3 cancer” and that we are at war with the entire religion of Islam. It seems like conservatives love the notion of being “at war” with inanimate objects or vague concepts like drugs, terror, Christmas, and Islam. We can all add sarcasm to that list, thanks to Erik Rush. 7
Tangentially, the one pop-up ad I got from going to WorldNetDaily was for a product that promised to “boost you testosterone” and “maximize your gains in the gym, improve your workout and increase your sex drive.” If the inflammatory rhetoric on WorldNetDaily isn’t enough to get you to punch a gaping hole through an ethnic minority and savagely take your wife to bed against her will, then this fucking poison will!
Maybe you don’t get your news from WorldNetDaily? Maybe you’re looking for a more reputable source of information. Also, maybe you’re at the gym and the TV mounted to your elliptical machine is broken? What if I said it was broken, but permanently frozen on CNN? You’re in luck, because CNN is the news source for you! In fact, CNN’s new motto is “CNN: Your Most Trusted News Source, if the TV at the Gym is Broken and the Channel is Stuck on CNN.”
This week was the most embarrassing week in the history of Ted Turner’s noble experiment in broadcast journalism. The usually credible field reporter John King lost his fucking mind and reported that law enforcement officials had arrested a suspect described as a “dark-skinned individual.” OK, so that was a fabrication. They hadn’t arrested anyone. To make matters worse for CNN, when suspects were finally identified, they were from Chechnya. In five years, CNN will be nothing but COPS reruns and Nancy Grace. At least I hope so. I’ve been writing letters about that for awhile now. 6
Speaking of cable news, Fox News Insider’s website has a special tag for “Saudi National” on their articles. Other Fox News Insider tags: “suspicious,” “chilling,” “jihad” and “master race.” Oh, also, “chili cookoff.” I don’t get that one. 4
Frequent Fox News contributor Ann Coulter receives this week’s Ann Coulter Award for Excellence in Racism for claiming that immigration reform would be the “end of America.” She specifically calls out Senator Marco Rubio of Florida, who l think agrees with Ann on pretty much everything except how to treat brown people. Let’s ignore for a second the fact that Ann Coulter is claiming that America will end just because a few Mexican or Cuban people cross into our country to assume the low-paying jobs that no one else wants to perform. Instead, let’s focus on Ann’s great hair at this year's CPAC. RACIST, BUT ALSO STYLISH
Wow, just look at that. That’s great.