Dunkin' Donuts is a one-stop shop for old people, chubby policemen, and a number of defectives who've somehow made it into adulthood. It's also a magnet for antisocial behavior. Those doughnuts make 'em go nuts!
Sorry I went Earl Sweatshirt on you for a few months. But I'm back. You haven't missed much—just babies getting their nipples twisted off, strip clubs giving away turkeys, a ton of cocaine, and ladies riding manatees.
I lay on my couch, naked, staring at the RealTouch and reminiscing about the one time I tried to have sex with a vagina, my erection deflated like a popped balloon the moment my friend Kelly put on a cowboy hat and pressed my dick against her baby hole.