masturbation on Vice

Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'N' Roll

The Lipstick Vibrator, Crossing the Line, and Big Deal

I was ready to toss this vibrator under the abyss of my bed never to be seen again, until I realized the usefulness of such a covert vibe! Sometimes you have to masturbate in inappropriate places. I know boys secretly jerk it all the time at work, but girls can, too. Full story

Fucking Hysterical: A Timeline of Vintage Vibrators

For centuries hysteria was a legitimate and common diagnosis for women who just needed to get laid, or, at the very least, treat themselves to a few mind-blowing orgasms. But since most women in the old-timey days didn't even know they could have orgasms, they needed someone—or s… Full story

Penetrating Jordan’s Illegal Porn Cinemas

No marquee or sign advertises the Kawakib Cinema's name or its show times, but it is a refuge for men—many of them migrant laborers from outside Jordan—to watch grainy porn anytime from 8 AM to 8 PM any day of the week to "finish and relax." Full story

How to Have An Orgasm with Your Vagina

It has come to my attention that a lot of grown-ass women out there have yet to experience an orgasm, which makes me want to jump off a cliff on to a bed of sharpened dildos. Orgasms are important, and you need to be able to make yourself come. I know it can be frustrating, but y… Full story

Why I Love Watching Ron Jeremy Fuck

To witness Ron Jeremy have intercourse is to witness a grizzly bear eat a flamingo, or an orphan try to break into a vending machine. You don't masturbate to Ron Jeremy having sex, because using a Ron Jeremy scene to masturbate is like using a volcano to barbecue—it’s probably he… Full story

The Jerkoff Diaries, Part IV

This whole project is about growing up. Putting away childish things. Yes, your penis is a childish thing, particularly when you use it as a play toy. And I’ve realized my body is not a toy anymore. It's not a temple exactly yet. Maybe it’s a crucible. It’s something to carry car… Full story

Tubesteak

How to Quit Porn and Not Entirely Ruin Your Life

There I was, lying in bed ass-naked at 1 AM on a Tuesday night with my eyes closed pulling on my limp dick like a bird trying to get a worm out of the frozen ground. This is what jerking off had become for me. I never should have given up porn. Full story

The Jerkoff Diaries: Part III

I have been having a little trouble with the one part of 50 Cent's no masturbation plan I thought would be the easiest. I am noticing myself wanting to turn around and check out the asses of women I pass on the street. Not cool. But true. Full story

Living Porn: When a Dude Wants You to Sit There and Do Nothing While He Jerks Himself Off

He kept beating himself off, while I just lay there. A furrow set into his brow and his lip curled into a sinister grimace as beads of perspiration began rolling down his forehead. Full story

Ladies, You Need to Masturbate. From a Girl Who Didn’t for the First 26 Years of Her Life

As Sandy hysteria hit New York last Sunday and everyone scrambled to hurricane-proof their lives, I kept getting text message after text message offering the same advice: Don’t forget to buy batteries! Full story