Olympic Energy Nachos

I don't know about you, but we're only a few days in to London 2012, and all this talk of sprinting and jumping over shit and cycling at 70 miles per hour against tattooed packs of German lesbians has knackered me out already. So, to keep up with all the high-octane Olympics watching you'll be doing on your sofa that stinks of cigs, Doritos, and spilt Guinness, here's a tasty take on the TV treat that is nachos. Only these are jam-packed with all the magic medicines athletes use to keep them chirpy, so there'll be no more falling asleep in front of the dressage for you guys.

1 x pack of corn tortillas
Lots x dextrose energy tablets Step 1.

Cut your tortillas into nachos with a tiny pair of (FRESHLY CLEANED) pube scissors that make you feel like that 50ft Voldemort thing from the opening ceremony when you use them.

Step 2.

Crush dextrose tablets in a pestle and mortar untill you have something I like to call "Dwain Chambers Berocca."

Step 3.

Sprinkle the powder over your nachos with some oil and seasoning and then bake in a hot oven.

Lots x fresh tomatoes
Coriander
Lots x cod liver oil tablets

Step 1.

Chop up your tomatoes and coriander for the salsa. Step 2.

Add chopped-up cod liver oil tablets and more lime-flavored energy tablets. It's vital that you stare at it really, really close, like this picture suggests you should. Looks neat, huh? Like a termite colony, or something.

Loads of cheddar cheese
1 x tablespoon Muscle Max

Melt the cheese over a bain-marie with Muscle Max until it forms into a righteous fondue slop.

3 x avocados
Seasoning
1 x swig of guarana

For the guacamole, mush up your avocado with seasoning and slop in some guarana.

Finally, dump all your energy laden snacks together and enjoy the Olympics from the comfort of your sofa while buzzing like you just swallowed Queen Latifah's vibrator.

Bone-appetit!

JOANNA FUERTES-KNIGHT

@fuertesknight

Previously - Fake Cheese Cheesecake