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Fauxhawk alert! They're too similar to stay together long, but can you imagine the magical hobbit mini-sex these two roommates (yes, roommates) could get up to? Elijah seems a bit broody and indie rock, while Dom has that scrappy Scottish rogue thing going. Together, they'd make a très-now metrosexual sandwich. B. WILL SMITH and MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY
I'm not saying they're gay. I'm just saying, what if? What if Will was the stern Christian daddy to Matthew's surfer babe? What if Will punished Matthew's hard-partying ways with wine enemas and four-point restraints? Would that kind of turn you on? C. MATT DAMON and KEVIN SPACEY
Move over, Bennifer! Matt has been neglected for too long, and whether he and Ben were BFFs or FTFs, he must be feeling the tug of loneliness now. Elder statesbitch Spacey would be just what the doctor ordered to save poor Mattie from an early midlife slump. D. KIRSTIE ALLEY and MEL B
Have you seen Kirstie lately? She looks like she's doing enough power-carbing for an entire East Village women's reading group. Check out gossiplist.com to see disturbing photos of her inhaling a hamburger in a parking lot. Maybe Mel's infectious laugh and live-wire spark could help slim Ms. Alley back to fighting weight. Otherwise, it's meatbath city for Mel! (That's when you fuck a fat girl.)