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Mad Backrubs at the Hotey

Inside one man's heady Craigslist quest to score a date with MDMA, a jam scene pixie, and the bro-crunch stylings of Sound Tribe Sector 9.
Brian Anderson
Κείμενο Brian Anderson

I have no idea if this sprawling ad recently posted on Craigslist is legit, or not. It's almost too good, to the point that all its wooked-out wordisms and heady brazenness leads me to believe that indeed it is was sincere. Maybe we can just take stock in its parting line: "Please don't flag this because I'm serious."

That is, really, really serious about scoring a date to a patchouli-addled evening with bro-crunch troupe Sound Tribe Sector 9, colloquially known as STS9. He's got an extra ticket. If you're a female and cute, and into "mad dips of mahldawg," yours could be the distinct honor of standing around for three hours with some stranger you met on the internet, nursing overpriced micro brews and kicking the cold feelies of all that bunk mollie some aging wizard sold you out front before the show.

The ad is equal parts breathless and scupulous, shaking out in list form. A condensed version could go something like this:

This night will be magical for more reasons that i can fucking count. I can count, so don't get it twisted because i'm great at math, there's just shitloads of reasons this night will rule.

Read the rest over at the new