Eating Souls for Breakfast, Painting Rappers for Lunch

Snoop

Alexander Melamid is God. He was told by a floating figure smoking a pipe with a bandage over one ear called Vincent who appeared to him in his kitchen on 22nd September 2006. Melamid, a 65-year-old Russian artist, was that day assigned the task of spreading the word that art is humanity’s salvation; especially his own artworks, many of which are oil paintings of hip-hop icons.

Lil Jon, Russell Simmons, Warren G and Kanye West have all sat for Melamid, who describes himself as “a mere genius”. This is thanks to his son Dan ‘The Man’ Melamid, a music producer who has also made videos for artists like Rick Ross. In his current exhibition ‘Oh My God’ Melamid has paintings of Snoop Dogg next to human sized portraits of rocks. I spoke to God and he was very friendly.

Fiddy

VICE: Hello Mr. Melamid, or can I call you God? I went to see your new exhibition last weekend. You’ve got Fifty Cent next to rabbis and the Venus de Milo. Why’s that?
Alexander Melamid: Being God, I am the creator of everything on earth including ordinary objects like rocks and stuff, so I try to cover all bases.

How diplomatic. Apparently you believe that your paintings “will demonstrate art’s healing power and medicinal properties for the treatment of physical and mental maladies”. So does that mean your art can bring about miracles then?
I run a clinic, I treat people with art. I’m planning to start my medical practice here in London later this year. Art helps keep your health and wealth well.

A horse's arse

Okay. But how do your paintings of rappers and horses’ arses relate to being God?
What’s important is that I create these people. They don’t exist without me. I pick them up and I put them on a pedestal.

So Kanye West isn’t real without you, God?
No.

Kanye and friends

He can’t like that very much. So how did you come to the conclusion you were God?
It was a realisation. One morning I woke up and here we are.

So what’s it like being God?
It’s okay.

Only OK? I thought it would be divine. What’s your advice to us mortals on how to live life correctly?
Listen to me and pay your dues to my ministry. That would be really nice.

God self-manages his own ministry? That’s very Big Society of you.
Sure.

A big rock

Have you met the devil?
God can be very terrible, but it’s a one-man show. This world, this universe, is a one-man show.

And that’s your show, God?
Yep.

What does God eat for breakfast?
I eat souls. Breakfast is time for eating souls and spirits and stuff like that.

That’s kind of cannibalistic, God.
There is nothing wrong with cannibalism. It’s something being God has taught me.

What do souls and spirits taste like?
Boiled eggs.

Does God have coffee with his spirits and souls?
Yeah I do. Right now actually.

A self-portrait by God

How much is the self-portrait of you as God going for at the auction?
I’m not interested in money or anything like that. I don’t touch money.

But each of your paintings goes for at least £50,000.
That money goes from the gallery to my wife.

Being God is lucrative then?
Artists don’t need money (awkward silence), I’ve got to go, thanks for this.

Thanks God, good luck with the universe and the exhibition.

For those with questions, the man has his own Old and New Testaments ready to answer all.