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The Sundaes Issue

Ass Invaders: One Man's Quest to Milk His Own Prostate

I did it because I didn't wanna get cancer and my friend Ben took photos.

Hey, guess what? If you are an American man you are more likely to have cancer in your prostate than any other part of you. It’s also more likely to kill you than any other form of cancer. Oh, and there is also the extra bonus of a 35 percent higher chance of your prostate going sour than your girlfriend getting breast cancer. Bummer.

But in fact, if you are literally a bummer (that’s British for homosexual), you are more likely than a straight guy to avoid dying from prostate cancer. Want to know why? Then listen up…


Over the last five years, prostate milking has exploded in popularity within the queer and BDSM scenes. Draining the little fella involves getting something stimulating stuck up your bum and jiggling the walnut-sized prostate sack until it gets so excited it makes you involuntarily secrete a dollop of seminal fluid. PS: Why can’t I stop laughing every time I reread that last sentence?

As fun as shooting your wad without even fiddling with your dick might sound, getting over the whole fingering your asshole bit has kept milking mainly confined to ye gayes—especially the fisting fetishists among them. But with increasing medical evidence showing that relieving the prostate of fluid buildups (coupled with regular checkups) can help prevent the big C word, maybe we all need to start shoving things up our asses and frantically rubbing.

I, for one, would rather not have ass cancer. So I learned how to milk my prostate, and I did so while my friend Ben took photos.