Dear Diary

Dec 28th, 1982 Me and (my brother) Dave got so wasted on Christmas Eve at the Forceshe's we were running out by the creek and Laurie almost took her head off with the clothesline. It wouldn't have been so funny if we realized how hurt she really got. But we laughed so hard because we were so stoned we couldn't see fucken aynthing. She showed me the scar on her neck yesterday. No stiches but man it was a close call. Ooops sorry Laura. I fucken really hate Christmas and it only gets worse every year now. I remember how great it was when we were kids with Santa and everything and now all we are doing is me and my friends are always looking for a house to drink at. So Christmas I spent a hour under the bridge smoking with Sue because mom ruined Christmas dinner by bawling. I can understand it was the first Christmas since Grandpa died so I can't really blame her because that was her dad. I miss him too but I just wish she wouldn't fucken cry all the time. I'm really nice eh? Dec 2000 After my grandpa died, my Nana lived with us for a while and then her diabetes forced her into an old age home where she sat blind and in a diaper for ten years.  When she died, we sold her house.  Last year, my sister happened to be driving by the house and there was a "for sale" sign on the lawn.  She and her husband bought it and we were going to have Christmas there for the first time in seventeen years. I was so excited about going home and staying at Nana and Grandpa's old place that I drove like a maniac and got into a car accident four blocks from the house.  My mom cried when I finally got home, after a brief visit to emergency.  Nothing major, a little whiplash, but she accused me of ruining Christmas because of  "my stupid ass driving" and "how could I be so stupid" and "Jesus Christ I coulda been killed for Chrissakes" and on and on and on. I ended up going for a long drive in my replacement rental, a little drunk, wearing a thing around my neck, chain smoking, and still hating fucking Christmas.