Photo courtesy of Fox

The state of the journalistic interview today has been reduced to these weird cattle-call things where they stick 50 writers from 50 competing publications on a conference call with some shitty noncelebrity such as, say, a nobody who is going to be a new judge on

Everyone waits their turn, listening to everyone else ask their stupid, pointless questions of a stupid, pointless person for a stupid, pointless magazine.

For some reason, we get press releases inviting us onto these calls all the time, which points out another problem with the media now: PR people don’t even bother to research the publications they are pitching their clients to. We get at least one email a week from this one lady, a professional publicist, who pitches us stories about new products for babies and trends in parenting. To

. What the fuck, lady? Do you just have to meet a quota of this-many calls to this-many places a month? Who else do you pitch your baby stories to?

?

Anyway, we threw the best prank caller in the world on this fucking

call. He only got one question in among the robots and shit stains, but it’s a funny one. Here, we’ll let him tell it…

Andrew Earles:

American Idol

Monotone, Suicidal Moderator:

American Idol

Kara DioGuardi:

American Idol

Thirty minutes and 20 interviewers later…

Moderator:

Mediocre Waste of Flesh:

Kara:

Mediocre Waste of Flesh:

Kara:

Mediocre Waste of Flesh:

Moderator:

Vice

Andrew:

Kara:

Andrew:

Kara:

Andrew:

Kara:

Moderator:

Some Fucking Guy:

See how sad and shitty that is? If we had the choice between working at the kind of magazine that has to do these calls every day and, say, testing the strength of condom prototypes by getting ass-raped without lube by AIDS-infected murdering pedophiles, we’d be bending over immediately.

It’s enough to make us want to do a bunch of good, random interviews with interesting people. And they wouldn’t even have to be famous. Some of them might happen to be, but other ones could just be like, whoever we feel like talking to. You know what? Let’s do more interviews. Let’s do them right now!