What Song Would You Play to Aliens?

Photo via The space bosses at NASA have decided, after what can't have been much more deliberation than simply turning on the radio and hearing the first thing that was playing, that if there are aliens up on Mars, they should be listening to Will.i.am. That's right, the man who dresses like a steampunk clown/child will have his exclusive new track “Reach For The Stars” played out on the surface of the Red Planet for no one to hear. Which obviously has many indie commentators furious, because they prefer it when it's music that they like that no one's listening to.

In the spirit of smashing through intergalactic cultural boundaries, we conducted our own little scientific experiment and went to ask members of the public: What song would you play to an alien?

Theo: What song? [singing] Na, na, na, na. Na, na, na, na. Can’t we just be friends? Ain’t that the one? I don’t know who sings it. Is it “Can We Still Be Friends?” Nah, you know what I’d sing to them? A 50 Cent song. Which one?
Something like… what’s relevant to an alien? Are you asking me what 50 Cent song is relevant to an alien's life?
Theo: I’d rap to an alien. You know what I would sing? N.W.A, “Straight Outta Compton”. Scare them off. They’d be like, “Fuck this shit, man. We’re getting out of here!”

They might.

Michael (left) and Lucas. Michael: It’s gotta be “Life on Mars” by Bowie. I’m sure you’ve had that one already though. Yes, try harder.
Isn’t Will.i.am an alien? Part of the Illuminati or something, or a reptile? I think he might be one of those reptile alien people. Maybe that’s why NASA employed him. What song would you pick, Lucas?
Lucas: I think Will.i.am is an alien. I’m not a big fan of music. OK, I guess it's n-
But if I had to, “Day In The Life” by The Beatles.

Left-to-right: Richard, Trevor and Neil, stockbrokers. Trevor: Is Will.i.am the Spurs player from Belgium? Jesus, can we stop talking about Will.i.am.
That mug from X Factor? Yes… well, actually, no. It doesn't matter.
Trevor: Actually, I read this today. He’s gonna play that cheesy song, “Reach For The Stars”.
Richard: So who’s this being broadcast to? Aliens.
Neil: Didn’t The Carpenters do that back in the 60s?
Richard: I tell you what, I'd probably go for that Louis Armstrong song.
Trevor: “Dancing Queen” by ABBA.
Neil: I think the best song, that would explain a bit about our culture, a bit about the underbelly of us, that would encapsulate the entirety of England and the world, would be “Fairytale of New York” by The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl. It covers Christmas, it covers getting pissed… It covers New York, the famous part of England and the world.
Richard: Have you seen the film, The Italian Job? “On Days Like These”.
Trevor: I’d probably do “Anarchy In The UK” or “My Wife’s A Fucking Bastard”. That song hasn’t been released yet. Joe: Something by Bette Midler. Why?
She sang the one I mean in the film, Beaches. It’s a beautiful song. “The Wind Beneath My Wings”. That’s what it’s called. Listen to it. Is it an appropriate representation of all of humanity?
Well, I like it. James (left) and Karen. What song would you play to aliens?
James: I would have sent some Crowded House up there, they deserve to hear something good. Why do they deserve Crowded House?
Crowded House, “You’d Better Be Home Soon”. They’re a New Zealand band who were pretty big in the 80s. I know who they are… never mind. Karen?
Karen: I’m not sure.
James: “All Things Bright and Beautiful”?
Karen: No, I don’t think that represents Earth. I think I would go for something by Queen.
James: “All Things Bright and Beautiful”?
Karen: No. Jeff: That’s a good question. That’s a bit deep. You’ve gotta think, “Right, best song ever…” It’s gotta sum up all of universal life. Probably “She Bangs The Drums” by the Stone Roses. Right.
What do you think? It’s hard to tell what an alien would be into when you haven’t actually met one.
Well, not that you’re aware of. We could all be aliens. Steve: Something that’s a bit of a disaster, that’s what I would play. At this moment in time, this planet is a disaster. You’d want to put that across to the aliens?
I’d say don’t bother coming mate. You’ll get killed. The planet is in trouble. You could write song…
Yeah, “The Planet Is In Trouble Don’t Bother Coming”. Charlotte, cleaner: Something by Ne-Yo. Which one?
One of his songs. Claire, psychotherapist: I think I might plan an alien “Waterloo Sunset”. [almost sinister] That would give them a little taste of what Earth is like. Previously - What's the Most Evil Industry?