Ordinarily people discussing their in-laws' shortcomings is everyday stuff, scarcely twitching the needle on the scanner. But one can never switch off completely as this exchange demonstrates. After a mundane run up (‘How’s the kids?’, etc) it suddenly exploded into the often-secluded conversational space where genital comparison meets racial profiling. And from then on, the whole evening seemed worthwhile.
Man #1:[positive, inquisitive, genuine] ”You been over there lately?”
Man #2:[frowning] “No, too expensive. She goes, with the kids. I mean if I do, I just sit there, drinking, watching TV in a language I can’t understand while they talk in the other room. They haven’t got anything to say to me, and I haven’t got much to say to them and we can’t talk to each other anyway, so…”
Man #1:[making the best of it/ retreating into cliche] “It all works out.”
Man #2:[deep in recollection] “They did keep trying to get me to go to these baths with them. And I was reluctant, you know, to sit about naked with the in-laws. With anyone really. I don’t do any sport, never really did. So I’m not – you know – I’m not used to that situation. And they don’t mind, they think it’s all OK because of the penis thing. The expectation is that yours will be bigger so they find it odd that you would have a problem, you know, swinging it about."
Man #1: ”There’s an episode of South Park where…”
Man #2:[interrupting] “It doesn’t seem to bother them anyway. There’s no esteem issue around it that I can see. If anything the reverse is true. They think I’m an idiot. Always have done. The fact that I’m an idiot with a comparatively large penis is neither here nor there.”
The first man said nothing but nodded, deep in thought as though struggling to imagine the implications, without visualising the scene.Follow Michael on Twitter: @thewrongwriterPreviously: Michael Holden's Deleted Scenes - Your Keyboard's Bored of You
