Who Would You Kill for a Perfect Summer?

Photo via I don’t know what warped state of mind that big drama queen Robert Smith was in when he prayed for rain, but it’s not something that the majority of the British population can relate to as we stand demoralised beneath the cracked British sky. I mean, it's July. WTF, July?!

We went out to meet some of that British population and ask them, who would they kill for a perfect summer?

VICE: Who would you kill for a perfect summer?
Sebastian, 21: Nobody, I wouldn’t have a good summer after I killed someone.

Really?
Well if I was forced to kill anyone, I would want them to be important. Like John Lennon’s killer, doing it for the fame… that’s the only perk in killing someone, I would imagine.

And a perfect summer?
Possibly. It all depends on what you mean by "perfect", doesn't it?

What would your perfect summer entail?
Getting a job. Leanne, 22, (left) and Hannah, 22. Hannah: Would they die nicely? It’s up to you.
I don’t know if I could kill someone.
Leanne: I think I would rather just have a bad summer and not kill anyone.
Hannah: Or kill myself, so that they could have a great summer. Really?
Leanne: I think I’d go for Robert Mugabe. I would spike his drink.
Hannah: Leanne, you could lap dance and distract him, while I spike his drink. And what's Mugabe dying for, here, besides all the awful things that he's done? What would your perfect summer entail?
Leanne: A never-ending series of foreign festivals. James, 26: David Cameron. Why the Prime Minister?
The same reason I would kill all politicians – in fact, I would kill the entire Conservative party. I would do it, because knowing I killed David Cameron would guarantee me a great summer.

OK.
I know what you're gonna ask next. Lethal injection. And your perfect summer…?
Loads of money, drugs that don’t give you a hangover, my girlfriend being every other girl so I don’t get done for cheating. Nice, who would you bring on this trip?
Hmmm, maybe Jimi Hendrix and Marvin Gaye. When your mates ask you how you got the money to purchase all the drugs, what will you say?
That I murdered David Cameron.

You're not one of those paranoid people are you, James?
You're not paranoid if they're really out to get you. Anna, 23: No one, probably. What about killing a small animal or an insect for the perfect summer?
No, I’m an animal lover. I would not kill anything. Not even a bacteria?
NO! But having said that, I probably kill bacteria every day. I would do that actually, because when I clean dishes I kill bacteria. Would you kill fleas or gnats for the perfect summer?
No, no!

You're weird. Beir, 24: I already had the best summer ever. Was it worth killing someone for?
No, I could never kill someone, I’m a really positive person. What if the person was a real dirty, low-life scumbag?
Oh my god. A murderer, I would kill a murderer… that guy who killed loads of children, what’s his name? Do you mean Anders Breivik?
Yeah. And your perfect summer?
Lie in the sun and have parties and be chill. But I had the best summer of my life in Berlin anyway, I was there for three years, the best time of my life. But I thought Berlin was just one big, purgatorial coffee shop for people who failed in their own countries?
Alright, whatever… this time I would go to Brazil. Mark, 24: Joey Barton, he’s a thug. I don’t really know him or anything, but he doesn’t seem like a very nice person. He's alright, I think? Someone I work with once took him out to dinner.
I dunno, I think I’d still be doing the world a favour, to be honest. I would make it short and sweet and I wouldn't get caught because no one likes him so they would let me off the hook. They would all be happy – then, SUNSHINE! Sandra, 18: I don’t know, maybe a dictator or something. How would you kill them?
Probably drown them in a pool. Nathan, 21: Errrrm, Boris Johnson. Why Boris?
Because it would be funny to see his reaction.

It would be funny to see his reaction to being dead? Not sure he'd be very animated.
I’d probably push him off something, I think his reaction as he was falling would be funny. Maybe off the mayor's office building into the Thames. I can imagine him going nuts. What would your ideal summer consist of?
Partying, chilling and skating in Barcelona. That does sound good. Previously - Would You Rather Have AIDS or Eat Nothing but McRibs for the Rest of Your Life?