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the worst things of all time

Ariel Pink Helped Make a Rap Song About a Guy Wanting to Fuck Lana Del Rey

Seriously, fuck this song forever.
17.2.14

It has snowed in New York every day for about a week now. People do not live here because they enjoy it. They do it because they have to. For their careers, for their friends, for their brands, for the relevance they so desperately need in order to feel validated in this cold, unloving universe. "Lana Del Rey," the above music video by your new least favorite rapper Jerry James, is not New York in the slightest. It is so Los Angeles that it makes me want to shit my pants. His dweeby, sub-Riff-Raffian braids look like they should be shooting out of the heads of one of the Ents from Lord of the Rings. He wears an ironic Snoop Dogg hockey jersey atop tiny, ironic little man-shorts with weed leaves on them. Girls joylessly twerk throughout the clip, while Jerry James drops competent but completely unnecessary bars about how he is cool, and how he would like to have sex with Lana Del Rey. At one point in this clip, a dog wears a hat.

Ariel Pink helped produce this song along with Sky Ferreira/Charlie XCX producer Justin Raisen as part of their new production team called Raw Deal. This is why people care about it. It turns out Ariel Pink doesn't suck at producing rap beats! But seriously, this Jerry James dude is the fucking worst. Think Ninja from Die Antwoord, but without the overtly crazy vibes, the South African novelty factor, or the actual rapping skill. Think Macklemore, but subtract his acumen for crafting poppy hooks and double down on that sinking feeling that he's simply wearing hip-hop as an outfit for the sake of irony, using it for his own ends with half-assed deference to the culture. Think Riff Raff, but minus all the even sort of good thinks about Riff Raff.

I am posting this so you know to stay away. Ariel Pink, good luck with your rap production. Please do not work with Jerry James ever again.