We answer your pathetic questions about dating, loneliness and your inevitable failure.Dear Hot Dog and Lady Bun,
I've been dating this girl who keeps forgetting everything about me each time we meet. How can I make myself more memorable?-Crusty ButtonsHot Dog Gets You Memory StickedBeing easily forgettable is great for peeping toms, but terrible for boyfriends. You want to be as memorable as her PIN number to her, and I don’t mean changing your name to 4/2/81. (I’ve tried, they won’t let you.) It’s time to live out loud like Julia Roberts on a Fruitsicle bender! You’ve spent too much time being quiet as a church mouse! It’s time to be loud as a government lion! (If that’s the opposite of a church mouse? I’m not sure.) Remember, ladies are like giant goldfish, they’re beautiful to look at, they hate being picked up and petted, and they’ll forget you in a heartbeat unless you’re truly outstanding (or made of food). Here are some quick and dirty ways that that will keep her remembering you until her dying days:
I've been dating this girl who keeps forgetting everything about me each time we meet. How can I make myself more memorable?-Crusty ButtonsHot Dog Gets You Memory StickedBeing easily forgettable is great for peeping toms, but terrible for boyfriends. You want to be as memorable as her PIN number to her, and I don’t mean changing your name to 4/2/81. (I’ve tried, they won’t let you.) It’s time to live out loud like Julia Roberts on a Fruitsicle bender! You’ve spent too much time being quiet as a church mouse! It’s time to be loud as a government lion! (If that’s the opposite of a church mouse? I’m not sure.) Remember, ladies are like giant goldfish, they’re beautiful to look at, they hate being picked up and petted, and they’ll forget you in a heartbeat unless you’re truly outstanding (or made of food). Here are some quick and dirty ways that that will keep her remembering you until her dying days:
Annons
- You need a brand for yourself that people won’t forget! Try giving yourself a tagline like, “Brian Simpson: Blastin’ Quads and Blowin’ Wads” or “Ted Williams: Surf Dog!”
- Choose a definitive “look”! Predict the next “steampunk” trend by dressing up as a plaque doctor and calling it “Windmill Lite Jazz”?!
- Men who are memorable and interesting often have tattoos – why not get a “Gone Fishin’” on your forehead? Or a “Put a Cork in it!” over your butthole?
- “I own and operate my own furniture rehabilitation center. We help couches and armoires re-acclimate to living in the wild after they’ve been abandoned.”
- “My name is Todd but you can call me Senator Braveheart.”
- “I work security at night, and by that I mean I still sleep with a security blanket.”
Annons
- If his name is Chase, why not change your name to Chase! But make sure you walk like a Chase, which is usually a half limp with a lot of high-fiving.
- One thing he will always relate to is the ability to pee while standing up. Try to pee standing up a week before your next date and then commiserate about all the shoes you’ve ruined! Just part of bein’ a guy!
- Did he play little league? Play little league! Little leagues will take in most grown women because society believes women have the athletic ability of an effeminate six-year-old.
- “The Fountainhead is also my favourite book! It’s nice to know another person who hates people.”
- “You have a pee hole too?! Wanna bump them? Mine’s a little bigger so you go first.”
- “You and I have so much in common, minus the thing where I carry my ex-boyfriend’s baby teeth in my wallet.”