Do single men feel as lonely as single women on Valentine's Day? I thought a brothel would offer some insights.
"I absolutely think you can find 'the love of your life,'" says 71-year-old Honey. "But yes, love is just as scary when you're old as it is when you're young."
Spare a goddamn thought for the waiters and waitresses getting by proxy nausea from a thousand puppy eyes and footsie games guffing up their restaurants this weekend.
In Sweden, the most popular toy around Valentine's is a little gadget that makes couples 'vibe' together.
The club, about the size of a backyard swimming pool, was packed wall-to-wall with 60-year-olds twitching awkwardly to obnoxious techno music. It smelled like department store perfume and old clothes.
The rally – in honour of same-sex, inter-caste and inter-faith marriages – was shut down almost immediately by local police.
You think about how we are alone in infinity, ricocheting between stimuli and hope and orgasms.
In the Oberkampf neighborhood of Paris, Umar sells single roses, earning 20 cents per stem to support his family in Pakistan.
The Revolutionary Alliance of Men that Women Find Unattractive marched around Tokyo to demand an end to the "oppressive chocolate capitalists" of Valentine's Day.
From elderly women reciting penis poetry to sad cases of unrequited love.
In extreme cases, self-pleasuring can actually fracture your dick and rupture your arteries. Be careful out there.
It's a Valentine's Day special.