Photos via Gumtree
What is living in London like? Hell. Here’s proof, beyond all doubt, that renting in London is a nightmare.
Where is it? Listed as “Dulwich”, which obviously conjures up the magical imagery of Dulwich Village – glossy-haired people walking prams in the sun! Rich people who don’t know what money is dropping designer clothes off to the charity shop! Nice restaurants and glorious pubs! A playground that doesn’t have a single piece of graffiti or chewing gum on it! Big murals! – but actually you’re more on the Sydenham side, which is just a load of roundabouts in a row and a load of grey roads that have those little “pavement lawns” along them. You can call anything anything in property, can’t you. Sydenham can be Dulwich if you want to charge another hundred pounds a month.
What is there to do locally? I think the only thing you’re legally allowed to do in Dulwich is get caught in a conversation with a 41-year-old graphic designer who regrets having kids about the minutiae of the school run and how he can never quit his job because he’s making “shitloads” (he is yet to buy you a pint, though, despite you including him charitably on your round the last time you went to the bar, but your glass has been empty for a really long time now and you don’t really know the etiquette here: can you… buy one… just for… you? Surely he knows how rounds work. He’s 41. And yet… and yet) before he leans over to you and says, “Listen, mate… and don’t tell the wife, but… have you got any coke?” Buddy, it’s 12.30—
Alright, how much are they asking? £750 pcm. You come back from the bathroom and he’s drinking a double whiskey and texting someone really, really frantically. There is not a drink on the table for you.
Advertisement
Advertisement