- Nigerian police took out nine gunmen suspected of being part of the extremely violent Islamist terror organization Boko Haram, whose name apparently means “Western education is a sin,” which, you know, is a stupid fucking name. - Three Tibetans who've been on a hunger strike for the past month outside UN headquarters in New York finally called it off—and presumably immediately ate about a dozen hot dogs—after [officials promised to finally look into this whole Tibet/China thing](http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5hWtwv9qstIyUwfz5rdK-bRF68C8g?docId=CNG.639c501735ab968927c128751a1b4b9a.5e1 http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/mar/25/china-accuses-dalai-lama-nazi). China, meanwhile, called the Dalai Lama a Nazi. - Pope Benedict, sensing weakened souls waiting to be feasted upon, told Cuba that communism clearly isn't working—which, you know, is kind of ironic because that's basically what the Jesus was all about—and that they should let the Catholic Church step in and clean up their mess. - A roadside bomb in Afghanistan, most likely work of the Taliban, exploded as a security patrol was trying to defuse it, leaving eight total dead, including one US soldier. - A private bookstore in Canada sold their last copy of the 160-page book A Gift for Muslim Couple, a guide that gives Muslim men all sorts of advice, especially when it comes to beating and controlling their wives.
- In Louisiana, a pastor was arrested after going old school with his punishment style and using his belt to beat two young boys, ages 9 and 10, who were “acting up” during a prayer service. - A 15-year-old girl living in South Africa was tortured for three days and finally murdered—by a disgusting-enough method that, well, I'm just going to advise finding it yourself rather than typing it out for you—after her relatives thought she was possessed by “demons.” - A Muslim woman living in San Diego was beaten to death; her attackers left behind a note telling her to “go back to your country.” - A female coach and teacher in a Washington Catholic school was caught diddling a minor. She also, of course, previously worked for an organization who taught kids to never have sex before marriage. - Rick Santorum, when he's not getting introduced by insane Christian pastors basically trying to start a religion war in America before creepily ending their sermons with Nazi-like salutes, is [officially praying for Dan Savage](http://youtu.be/B2emBxDOY7g http://www.realclearreligion.org/articles/2012/03/19/ricksantorumtherealclearreligioninterview.html). - Think someone's personal religious-based beliefs don't affect your life? Wait until the inevitable measles outbreak happens. - So Idaho went ahead and passed one of those ultrasound-before-abortion bills that are all the rage these days. Meanwhile, an Arizona GOP legislator (a female one at that!) wants to force women to watch a full-blown video of an abortion before getting one themselves. - Hey, Tim Tebow! Remember that thing? He got traded to the Jets last week after his Denver Broncos signed a much-better-at-the-sport-of-football person Peyton Manning. This upset pastor Pat Robertson, who's using his prayers to urge God to injure Manning.- And finally our Hero of the Week: Ohio State Senator Nina Turner, so sick of these anti-women, anti-reproductive bills being passed all over that she introduced a bill that would make it much tougher for men to get boner pills. While this technically happened last week, we couldn't let this slip by without mention. So: Well done, Senator! Previously - Inform a Rep About the Vag @RickPaulas