Photo by Nate Miller
If you were hoping racism would magically go away this week and our society would transform into a color-blind, Star Trek-esque utopia, sorry. I hate to be the one to inform you that shit is still “mad racist” in the world. As such, I feel it is my duty to inform you of the magnitude and severity of said racism.
With the assistance of my friends at the @YesYoureRacist Twitter account, I’ll be ranking news stories on a scale of 1 to RACIST, with “1” being the least racist, and “racist” being the most racist.
Gloria Platko, the clerk for Buena Vista Township, Michigan, referred to her colleague as an “arrogant (N word)” in a taped conversation. If you’re curious which N word she used, I can assure you that it was not “namby-pamby.” When confronted with her hateful bullshit, Platko said “Every race of people have (N words), every culture has (N words). Look up the definition. I learned that way back in grade school. I learned that at St. Joe’s and Holy Rosary.” So I guess she's alleging that Catholic grade schools are teaching children that saying the N word is OK? RACIST
On Monday, Purdue University students held a march and demonstration to protest what they believe is racial discrimination and a lack of equality at Purdue. So how did the rest of the student body respond? Well, one brave individual took it upon himself to scrawl a racial slur on one of the pro-equality posters and draw a picture of a stick figure hanging from a tree in a noose. You stay classy, Purdue! 10
Not a week can go by without someone claiming President Obama is a Muslim. I mean, some stories are just too good NOT to be true. Representative Louie Gohmert, a Republican and crazy person from Texas, is pretty damn sure President Obama gets advice from the Muslim Brotherhood. “He has advisers around him that do not have the same goal as he does. He has people around him giving advice who support the Muslim Brotherhood and who steer him in wrong directions,” Gohmert said. To Gohmert’s credit, at least he recognizes that if Obama did have Muslim Brotherhood members as his advisers, they wouldn’t share the same worldview. On the other hand, are you kidding me with this shit? C'mon, dude. 7
The Pilot Flying J Corporation, a chain of gas stations owned by the brother of Tennessee Governor Bill Haslam, is in a lot of trouble after being caught cheating customers out of fuel rebates. A pretty shitty business practice to begin with, Pilot’s scam crossed over into outright racism when it became known that employees were specifically targeting Hispanics. “They're not stupid, there is just a language barrier,” one Pilot employee told federal investigators. “So you can get away with a little bit more because they know that they are not going to understand everything that you say.” The racial motives of the "manual rebate" scam were well-known, with employees referring to the practice as the “Manuel rebate” instead. Racist humor is hilarious, huh? RACIST
Best-selling author Ann Coulter receives this week’s Ann Coulter Award for Excellence in Racism for declaring without reservation that the deceased Boston Marathon bombing suspect Tamerlan Tsnarnaev’s wife should be imprisoned for wearing a hijab. That's not paraphrasing—Coulter stated on Sean Hannity’s Fox News show that, “She ought to be in prison for wearing a hijab.” She went on to say, “This immigration policy of us assimilating immigrants into our culture isn’t really working. They’re assimilating us into their culture. Did she get a clitorectomy too?” A clitorectomy, for the uninitiated, is a barbaric process of female gential mutilation that takes place primarily in Africa, which, last time I checked a map, was not Chechnya. Don’t let that get in your way, Ann! Keep hustling, girl! RACIST
@YesYoureRacist’s 10 Most Racist Retweets of the Week [all grammer sic'd]:
10. @PokeHerNiSwang: "I'm not racist , but I don't trust Mexicans."
9. @Shane_s28: "Ain't no racist but these f*cking jews round my area are right rude c*nts"
8. @MattyStokes_: "not being racist but i always get scared when i see a indian man walk on to the train with a backpack on”
7. @wadegravy: "I'm not racist, but black people talk really stupid.”
6. @c_wisher11: "I'm not racist, but I really dislike Indians. Indian Indians, not natives”
5. @SethHooker: "A legit talk about putting Obama on Mt. Rushmore? Al Sharpton, you're the absolute epitome of ignorant f*cking ni**er.”
4. @Aroseeeey: "im not racist but if i see a mexican, i will keep my distance.”
3. @killinladys2: "The White House use to have a presidential tennis court and Obama changed it to a basketball court. Ni**er.”
2. @AStrangeTingle: "Now I'm no racist, but after sitting in front of a black family at a movie, I think I finally get segregation.”
1. @maverickdragon: "I gave blacks a chance by voting for obama, now all blacks are just ni**ers”
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