Hey, it's that time of the week where we laugh at some butthurt cry-babies again!
Cry-Baby #1: Samantha Malson
The incident: A woman's boyfriend wouldn't stop singing the song "Thrift Shop" by Macklemore.
The appropriate response: Finding a boyfriend who is less lame.
The actual response: She attacked him.
Last Saturday, Samantha Malson (pictured above) spent the evening out drinking with her boyfriend Lars, to celebrate his 26th birthday.
According to Samantha, they'd spent a lot of the evening arguing because Lars had accused her of "consuming all the alcohol in the house."
At some point during the evening, Lars put on "Thrift Shop" (ugh, this just sounds like the worst birthday ever).
In a statement to police, Samantha said that, once the song was over, Lars continued to sing the lyrics "over and over" and that she asked him to stop "25 times."
Enraged, Samantha started to shove Lars, but he still wouldn't stop singing the song. So she grabbed him by the throat and started to choke him (wait, now it's the worst birthday ever).
This is when Samantha decided to call the police. Which is weird, because she was the one commiting a crime. I can only assume that she was calling the police to tell them that Lars wouldn't stop singing "Thrift Shop"? Oh dear.
Unsurprisingly, they came and arrested her. And she was charged with domestic violence and harassment.
Cry-Baby #2: Bruce Clevenger
The incident: A guy was driving at 20 m.p.h. in a school zone.
The appropriate response: Nothing/honking (depending on what the speed limits are in your area).
The actual response: Vehicular shunting followed by a physical attack.
Last week, high school senior Alexander Hoang was driving in his hometown of Aloha, Oregon. He entered a school zone, so he slowed down to 20 m.p.h. This is when another driver began tailgating him.
According to Alexander, the other driver seemed "really, really angry" and was weaving behind him.
The other driver, 62-year-old high school teacher Bruce Clevenger, then drove alongside Alexander's car and swerved into him, before pulling up in front of him and stopping his car.
According to the really, really in-depth news report embedded above (did we really need to know that the kid plays tennis and "seems like the kinda kid who can defend himself"?) this is when Bruce got out of his car, forced open Alexander's door and began punching him in the face.
Bruce then bailed but was followed home by a witness to the attack, who then called the police on him.
Bruce was arrested and charged with hit and run, reckless driving, fourth-degree assault, and harassment. He was released on bail and is currently suspended from his job as a special-education teacher while his school board investigates the incident.
Which of these two is the bigger cry-baby? Let us know in the poll below. Puhlease:
Winner: The woman who tripped!!!
Follow Jamie on Twitter: @JLCT