So You Have 5 Million Dollars, but Aliens Have Just Invaded...
Jun 15 2012
The 1988 cult classic Heathers raised many important questions. Among them: Is it OK to kill popular kids if they are, like, total dicks and bitches? Can you really murder anyone you want and get away with it scot-free, so long as you leave a half-assed suicide note beside the body? And how did Christian Slater steal Jack Nicholson's eyebrows? But the most important question posed in Heathers comes early on in the film, from the original Heather: "You inherit 5 million dollars the same day aliens land on the Earth and say they're going to blow it up in two days. What do you do?"
Laniesha (left): I'd give half to charity and the other half I would use to save up for college.
Um, you can't go to college. Aliens will blow up all the colleges, along with everything else in two days.
Laniesha: I don't know!
Tiara (right): I would go shopping.
Tiara: I would spend it all at Forever 21.
You could probably buy all of the clothes at Forever 21 with 5 million dollars.
Cheryl: That's such a shitty question.
Have you seen the movie Heathers?
OK, well, just pretend that you only have two days to spend your 5 million dollars.
I would buy a red Ferrari with gold hubs, and lots of fruits and vegetables to make millions of smoothies with.
Nick: I have no idea. Traveling anywhere would be a waste of time. I don't think I would do anything with it. I would just spend the last two days with my family.
You're a good man.
Michael (left): I don't believe in aliens and I don't think the world is going to end.
It's just a hypothetical question.
Michael: I would go back to my home country, Brazil, and wait for it there. And maybe buy an island too.
Vince (right): I would find a shelter and buy a shit load of food. Why would we go against aliens with advanced technology?
Malik (right): I would go shopping in Manhattan and buy a mansion, a Mercedes, and three dogs.
What kinds of dogs?
Malik: The three most expensive dogs ever.
Liz (left): I would buy the biggest house on Fire Island and rent out Manhattan for the whole day.
Josie: I would buy a time machine and go back in time and tell the government that aliens are going to blow up the Earth and that they need to solve that problem.
You'd be a hero. Would you have any money left?
Josie: Well since a time machine would probably be less than 5 million dollars, I would take the rest and invest it in the past, so when I came back to the future I'd be a bazzilionaire.
Hope (left): I would buy a theme park.
Which theme park?
Hope: Dollywood, I would buy Dollywood.
LB (right): It wouldn't really matter, would it? I would give it away and see what someone else does with it.
Previously - What's Your Suicide Song?
Weediquette: The Cannabis Republic of Uruguay - Part 1
London Is Turning into a Depressing and Dumb Stock Image City
Here Be Dragons: Sorry, Everyone, Making Fuel Out of Seawater Isn't Gonna Save Humanity
Seven Important Truths About How the World Takes Drugs in 2014
Our E-Cigarettes Are Going to Melt Our Faces and Burn Our Houses Down
Owning Porno Used to Mean Something, Damnit
Photos of the Bathrooms and Kitchens of America's Bachelors
Stop Panicking About Getting Older, You Pricks
How Airbnb Makes Tax Day So Much Worse
Advice for the Twitter Professional at US Airways Who Tweeted Hardcore Porn