Who You Gonna Bang Tomorrow?
Feb 13 2012
Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, and you know what that means—people gon’ be fuckin’. To find out whose holes are going to be filled with whom, we went out on the streets and asked the populace of the “City That Never Sleeps (Because They Are Always Having Sex)” who they would be making sweet love to tomorrow.
Gus: I will be having sex with nobody tonight. My family is out of town. Sounds like a perfect opportunity right? The guy at the bank today suggested I go to the spa tomorrow.
Cameron: Probably my girlfriend Jenny.
Are you doing anything special?
We’re going to a comedy club.
I mean sexually.
I dunno. We’ll have to see.
Evelyn: I will be sleeping with no one. I will be going out with my best friend Kate, and we will be eating instead of fucking. Eating is really very important. I’m gonna wear my hickey.
Why aren’t you fucking the person that it came from?
Because I don’t want to see that person on Valentine's Day.
Kim: No one! My boyfriend lives in Korea!
You guys gonna Skype?
Maybe, but probably not because of the time difference. It’s like 14 hours.
What the fuck do you guys even do?
Ricardo: I’m 17. I’m not going to be having sex with anyone.
Eddy: I’ll probably be having sex with my husband.
How long have you been married?
We have been married for three years, and together for six.
Any special plans?
Probably gonna sit on the couch, play some video games.
I don’t think so.
Previously – The Grossest Thing You've Seen in Public
Tao of Terence: Psychedelic Drugs, Art, Music, and Other Drugs: An Interview with Finn McKenna
Why I Stayed in an Abusive Relationship
Weediquette: Stoned At the Doctor's Office
The VICE Reader: An Excerpt from John Darnielle's 'Wolf in White Van'
This Tinder Addict Is Also a Virgin
Getting Drunk Off a Humidifier Isn't All It's Cracked Up to Be
Kristin Cavallari Hosted Fashion Week’s Worst Party
My Father Was a Terrorist
Ryan McGinley's 'Yearbook' Show Shut Down an Entire City Block
I Worked for a Puppy Mill